Build Date: Thu Sep 25 09:30:07 2025 UTC
Isn't it wonderful that, despite our differences, we're united in our mutual love of beer?
-- Mr. Bad
Jenni, You Haven't Been There For Me
1999-08-22 11:04:07
Dear JenniCam: there comes a time in every relationship where somebody has to lay the truth out on the line. I guess we've reached that point, baby. It all boils down to this, Jenni: you just haven't been there for me.
I can't say how many lonely nights I've spent staring at a picture of your empty computer desk, or your empty bedroom, or your empty couch. Or your stupid cat. Where was JENNI?
At first I blamed myself. Maybe I was being too demanding. After all, you have a life to live, what with the new boyfriend and the C|Net deal and everything. Not to mention your tens of thousands of other subscribers, and the new job, and the move. I respect that you have to be your own woman.
But there comes a point where I have to think about MY needs. My needs for comfort, my needs for fulfillment, my needs to see a postage-stamp-sized picture of a naked lady sitting at a computer on the other side of the continent. Jenni, those Webshots of your empty apartment just weren't meeting my needs.
These are the hardest words I've ever had to say, but I need to be true to myself: JenniCam, I'm letting my member subscription lapse. There, I've said it. I feel so FREE now!
I'm sure you're wondering, and YES, there is another woman. Don't take it too hard, Jenni. I'm not doing this to be vindictive. I feel like what Carlota and I have is very special.
Carlota the College Cutie does a live show every night. She's got a real nice face and she's charming and kind and has a gracious smile and does muff shots. The God's Honest Truth is that she's got a really spectacular body. AND there's excellent Web production values what with the clever Hello Kitty graphics and the straightforward navigation and stuff. She's still got that innocent modesty that you lost somewhere along the way. She's everything I've ever wanted in a distant amateur Webcam.
Don't be sad, little princess. JenniCam, you were my first, and for that there will always be a special place in my heart. But the time has come for me to move on. I'm sorry it had to end this way.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The One I Feel Sorry For Is Joses
We've had a lot of Jesus coverage lately here at the PDJ. But let's face it, we're not exactly cutting-edge in this subject area. Jesus has been making headlines for, oh, I guess it's a couple thousand years now. Jesus is a very strong brand. Jesus has a lot of mindshare. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
First there was the Bloody Mary: Vodka, Tomato Juice, Worcestershire sauce, some spices, and celery. We drank it, and it was good. Then any drink with tomato juice got a prefix of "bloody" attached to it. We drank them, and they were mostly bad. Now Pigdog gets back to basics and introduces The Bloody Dog, a drink with REAL BLOOD in it. HUMAN BLOOD. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Yet another delicious SPOCKTAIL from the SMRL Beverage Science Labs! Check under the cap for your chance to win thousands of fabulous prizes! (More...)
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)
