Build Date: Thu Oct 16 02:30:11 2025 UTC
he [Pol Pot] told everyone i was being treated well becuase he would have his chefs prepare special exotic dishes, BUT THERE WAS NO WATER IN THEM.
-- rotten elf
Last Chance for Catastrophe
2000-05-01 17:09:13
Well, SURE, Y2K came and went like a gentle lamb. Everything is running along just hunky-dory, civilization didn't collapse, and no one is rioting in the streets, more or less. But don't despair! Survivalist leaders say there's ONE MORE CHANCE for total destruction!
This Friday, May 5 2000, will be the occasion for an interesting (if unglamorous) astronomical event: the Great Conjunction. This is when 5 planets plus the Sun and the Moon will line up together in the sky. OK, the alignment's pretty haphazard -- they'll be spread out about 26 degrees of arc -- but that's pretty darn good in astronomical terms.
Unfortunately, it's not going to be some monumentous "2001" coolio space picture that you can see from your Junior G-Man binoculars or anything like that. Whenever you get the Sun involved in these kind of events, it kind of takes center stage and drowns everything else out.
So what's the big whoop? Why would the Great Conjunction be of interest to anyone besides Jeanne Dixon and a handful of other newspaper astrologers, as well as the various Leos who are going to have really great sex that day, since Saturn, Jupiter, Mars and Mercury will all be packed together into their Love house?
Well, some crazy people -- myself among them -- believe that the awesome gravitational energies exerted by these heavenly bodies (the planets, not the Leos) are going to rip apart the Earth in a blaze of lava and steam like a red-hot orange. OK, well, that's pretty much the most dramatic prediction -- a lot of people just think that the gravity will have an effect on the tides that will destroy all major port cities. Sort of a let-down, since it doesn't involve the peeling of the Earth's crust, but still lots of fun destruction.
Of course, the downer Old Farmer's Almanac says none of this is going to happen. But who cares!? It's an opportunity for panic and terror. Go enjoy the Great Conjunction today!
T O P S T O R I E S
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Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
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Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
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Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
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Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
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The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
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Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
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A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
