CONGRATULATIONS! WELCOME TO UNAMERICA!

     
 

Unholy Abomination Uses Sexual Stratagems To Compete With Humans
1999-08-16 23:53:20


Weird Linux
 
A reasonable doubt for a reasonable fee
-- Dr. Gonzo

 

GAAAAAH! I _TOLD_ YOU! I told EVERYONE that this Beowulf clusterfuck computing had gone TOO FAR! But nobody listened, and now these gooshy, group-grope computers have developed s00per-hUman intelligence with their sexy, disgusting genetic programming ways! You should have listened to me!

See, I've been talking about clusterfuck computing for MONTHS and MONTHS. I think it's horrible and WRONG and gross and pornographic. All that data glooping all over the place like horrible biological fluids! All those PLUGS and SOCKETS and DARK OPENINGS and NEGOTIATED PROTOCOLS! It's just UNNATURAL.

So apparently the folks at this Genetic Programming, Inc. have been combining the principles of CLUSTER COMPUTOLOGY with the weird and arcane science of genetic programming to produce SEXUAL DEVIANT PROGRAM OFFSPRING. The deal with genetic programming is that you write programs and then those programs SEXUALLY REPRODUCE to create new programs, which in turn have horrendous little incestuous program sex for EVER AND EVER until they become GIGANTIC DISGUSTING MUTANT PROGRAM MONSTERS.

These folks at GP, Inc. say that they've produced "human-competitive results" using these techniques. GAAH! See, these horrible SEX PROGRAMS and cluster polyamorous computers are going to come kill us all in our beds! It's UNAVOIDABLE!

Now all that's left to do is to try and avert total annihilation for the human race before these towering monsters of sex software gain mobility and laser cannons and start slaughtering us all. Already, high-placed officials of the US Government have made forays to the throne rooms of the NEW DECADENT DIGITAL SEX MONARCHS to negotiate capitulation of the country's infrastructure in return for their own lives and the lives of their loved ones.

Run now! Go to the hills! Do what you can to AVOID THE SODOMIZING SEX ROBOT OVERLORDS! Before they come to your town or village! RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!

Thanks to 'Gene for initial lead on this story.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

furry@pigdog.org


comments powered by Disqus
 
     

 

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

Solex vs. the Pigdog
by The Compulsive Splicer

Put the "Life" Back in SF "Nightlife"
by Flesh

Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
by Negative Nancy

Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
by El Snatcher & Ms. BunnyPenny

12-04

El Destino

What teenaged girls really wanted to ask David Cassidy

10-09

El Destino

Frank Sinatra told Donald Trump to "go fuck himself"

07-05

El Destino

Whatever happened to JenniCam's Jennifer Ringley?

05-03

El Destino

Iíve Made Millions Selling Fake Plastic Hillbilly Teeth

05-03

Baron Earl

Fyre Fest Lawsuit

05-03

Baron Earl

US Government uses drones to shoot M&Ms at endangered ferrets

05-03

Baron Earl

When will the abuse of airline passengers stop?

05-03

El Destino

Hillbilly miner turned coder wants to make Kentucky into "Silicon Holler"

03-31

El Destino

86-year-old William Shatner cast in a new romantic comedy: 'Senior Moment'

03-19

El Destino

New ransomware taunts its victims with ASCII art of Spock and Kirk

01-26

Flesh

Alex Jones is Big, Fat, And Drunk in Public.

08-01

El Destino

Amazon's secret: incest in the Kindle ad?

08-01

El Destino

Slut Walk! Sexy feminist protest, or invaders from Mars?

04-25

Daemon Agent

The Quest for the Best Cheap Beer in a Can

04-25

Eugene Leitl

Beverage science at its finest

04-16

El Destino

YouTube punishes copyright offenders with animated pirate cat

04-09

Baron Earl

Poll shows that almost half of Mississippi's Republicans think interracial marriage should be illegal

04-07

Baron Earl

Commodore64 redux - now with Linux

04-06

El Destino

George Takei demonstrates why he should be playing Spider-Man

04-01

El Destino

High school students sacrifice chickens to improve their batting average

More Quickies...