Build Date: Sat Aug 30 19:10:08 2025 UTC
Fuq, okay, so I'm writing this little report while pretty goddamn drunk off of all teh shit that we drank tonight.
-- Crackmonkey
Unholy Abomination Uses Sexual Stratagems To Compete With Humans
1999-08-16 23:53:20
GAAAAAH! I _TOLD_ YOU! I told EVERYONE that this Beowulf clusterfuck computing had gone TOO FAR! But nobody listened, and now these gooshy, group-grope computers have developed s00per-hUman intelligence with their sexy, disgusting genetic programming ways! You should have listened to me!
See, I've been talking about clusterfuck computing for MONTHS and MONTHS. I think it's horrible and WRONG and gross and pornographic. All that data glooping all over the place like horrible biological fluids! All those PLUGS and SOCKETS and DARK OPENINGS and NEGOTIATED PROTOCOLS! It's just UNNATURAL.
So apparently the folks at this Genetic Programming, Inc. have been combining the principles of CLUSTER COMPUTOLOGY with the weird and arcane science of genetic programming to produce SEXUAL DEVIANT PROGRAM OFFSPRING. The deal with genetic programming is that you write programs and then those programs SEXUALLY REPRODUCE to create new programs, which in turn have horrendous little incestuous program sex for EVER AND EVER until they become GIGANTIC DISGUSTING MUTANT PROGRAM MONSTERS.
These folks at GP, Inc. say that they've produced "human-competitive results" using these techniques. GAAH! See, these horrible SEX PROGRAMS and cluster polyamorous computers are going to come kill us all in our beds! It's UNAVOIDABLE!
Now all that's left to do is to try and avert total annihilation for the human race before these towering monsters of sex software gain mobility and laser cannons and start slaughtering us all. Already, high-placed officials of the US Government have made forays to the throne rooms of the NEW DECADENT DIGITAL SEX MONARCHS to negotiate capitulation of the country's infrastructure in return for their own lives and the lives of their loved ones.
Run now! Go to the hills! Do what you can to AVOID THE SODOMIZING SEX ROBOT OVERLORDS! Before they come to your town or village! RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!
Thanks to 'Gene for initial lead on this story.
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