Pure and simple as a hammer to the forebrain

     
 

Yellow Journalism Is Alive & Kicking in PA
1999-11-05 13:13:24


Treachery
 
If I ever need to get rescued by a group of toddlers and a man with a yellow purse whose only extraction plan is to quickly eat Tootsie Rolls, just let me explode with the god damn plane.
-- Sean Baby

 

Everyone who participated was in agreement. The cops, the promoters, the audience, and even the people arrested. Everyone, that is, with the exception of Nicole Weisensee or the Philadelphia Daily News. But hey, why should she let the truth get in the way of some creative writing?

Here's what happened: Last weekend, a promoter decided to throw a big satanic warehouse party. The party attracted a lot of low-brows, who in turn acted with slightly less intelligence than monkeys pelting one another with their own feces. Enter onto the scene the cops. A melee involving various explosives, a lead singer screaming "Kill Them", and pipe bombs ensued.

A few minutes later, everything quieted down. Arrests were made,and implements of destruction confiscated. At this point, Nicole Weisensee stumbled onto the scene like a drunken wino that was just given a dose of Angel Dust.

Sensing a story that would play on the unfounded fears of her readers, Ms. Weisensee wrote up her story in a twisted, sensationalistic manner that would make even the Weekly World News blush. You see this wasn't just a satanic Halloween party for Cro-Magnon's, in her mind this was a RAVE. You read right, A RAVE. Now despite the fact that no rave on THE PLANET would have pipe-bombs, semi-automatics, or a live BAND who encourage the frenzied audience to rip the cops to shreds, that didn't get in the way of Nicole. She wants people to believe that these events are filled with sex-crazed people from Mississippi who want to feed kids drugs, have their way with them sexually, kill them, and eat their corpses.

We would like to suggest that Ms. Weisensee immediately resign her position, and freelance her talents of fear-mongering to either The National Enquirer or write scripts for professional wrestling, where she will be far more appreciated.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

nabob@pigdog.org


comments powered by Disqus
 
     

 

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
by Negative Nancy

WE'RE STILL TOTAL LOSERS JESUS
by Mr. Bad

GNUisance
by El Snatcher, Mr. Bad

Please Continue...
by Baron Earl

12-04

El Destino

What teenaged girls really wanted to ask David Cassidy

10-09

El Destino

Frank Sinatra told Donald Trump to "go fuck himself"

07-05

El Destino

Whatever happened to JenniCam's Jennifer Ringley?

05-03

El Destino

Iíve Made Millions Selling Fake Plastic Hillbilly Teeth

05-03

Baron Earl

Fyre Fest Lawsuit

05-03

Baron Earl

US Government uses drones to shoot M&Ms at endangered ferrets

05-03

Baron Earl

When will the abuse of airline passengers stop?

05-03

El Destino

Hillbilly miner turned coder wants to make Kentucky into "Silicon Holler"

03-31

El Destino

86-year-old William Shatner cast in a new romantic comedy: 'Senior Moment'

03-19

El Destino

New ransomware taunts its victims with ASCII art of Spock and Kirk

01-26

Flesh

Alex Jones is Big, Fat, And Drunk in Public.

08-01

El Destino

Amazon's secret: incest in the Kindle ad?

08-01

El Destino

Slut Walk! Sexy feminist protest, or invaders from Mars?

04-25

Daemon Agent

The Quest for the Best Cheap Beer in a Can

04-25

Eugene Leitl

Beverage science at its finest

04-16

El Destino

YouTube punishes copyright offenders with animated pirate cat

04-09

Baron Earl

Poll shows that almost half of Mississippi's Republicans think interracial marriage should be illegal

04-07

Baron Earl

Commodore64 redux - now with Linux

04-06

El Destino

George Takei demonstrates why he should be playing Spider-Man

04-01

El Destino

High school students sacrifice chickens to improve their batting average

More Quickies...