Build Date: Thu Jun 12 10:40:16 2025 UTC
He made a CD of nothing but midget porn...he found it all on the Internet...
-- Dr. Murdock
Walken Super Dance
2001-07-05 16:24:14
Christopher Walken launches his music video career.
Most people are familiar with Christopher Walken's multifarious portrayals of exceedingly bad people. Who would ever forget Mr. Smith in Nick of Time, repeatedly punching Johnny Depp in the stomach (and giving him a good pistol whipping too), and "Hickey," in Last Man Standing, a scowling monster-man with a Tommy Gun; and of course the evil arch-angel Gabrial, in the Prophesy series -- a roll that Walken seemed born to play ("I'm an angel. I kill newborns while their mamas watch...."). But many people are not familiar with Walken's earlier career as a crazy song-and-dance-man on Broadway!
Imagine Christopher Walken -- then known as Ronnie Walken -- wearing a white Victorian wig and belting out showtoons. Terrifying! But I've seen pictures of it, so it must be real!
Every so often the song-and-dance-man-side of Walken seems to slip out. I saw him on the David Letterman show, and when Letterman made the mistake of teasing him about his Broadway shows, A devilish look swept across Walken's face, and he started singing a filthy sea shanty! And he wouldn't stop. Letterman had to cut to a commercial break because the sailor obscenities were flying out faster than the censors could bleep them. Terrifying!
Now it seems that Walken's dancing roots occasionally resurface too. There's a new FatBoy slim video, directed by Spike Jones, and starring Christoper Walken. This has got to be the best combination since the Abel Ferrara + Christopher Walken + Chris Penn == The Funeral. Except this time the result is really good! The Funeral was a little boring, which seems impossible, but also true...
Indeed, this video is so good that people everywhere will put on suits and go dance in hotel lobbies throughout the land. Christopher Walken even flies around like in Crapping Tiger Grouchy Dragon!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. (More...)
Canadia Revealed: A Brief Guide to a Large Country
Recently Pigdog has received many letters from readers who are apparently puzzled and upset by our regular coverage of the mysterious nation north of our border, Canadia. (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Australian Troops Set for Days of Debauchery to the Tunes of Kylie Minogue
This weekend Australian troops in East Timor will be able to put their feet up and push all the images of mass graves and charred remains from their minds as they relax to the giddy melodies of Kylie Minogue - including exclusive unplugged performances in the militia-ravaged and blood-spattered border towns of Balibo and Suai. (More...)
When you've been up all night sampling other Spocktails and guzzling absinthe, you need a morning pick-me-up with some KICK. Time for a tall glass of Blurry Sharp Meltdown! (More...)