Build Date: Thu Jul 18 21:20:08 2024 UTC

i don't need meds, i just need pretty pigments.
-- rotten elf

Walken Super Dance

by El Snatcher

2001-07-05 16:24:14

Christopher Walken launches his music video career.

Most people are familiar with Christopher Walken's multifarious portrayals of exceedingly bad people. Who would ever forget Mr. Smith in Nick of Time, repeatedly punching Johnny Depp in the stomach (and giving him a good pistol whipping too), and "Hickey," in Last Man Standing, a scowling monster-man with a Tommy Gun; and of course the evil arch-angel Gabrial, in the Prophesy series -- a roll that Walken seemed born to play ("I'm an angel. I kill newborns while their mamas watch...."). But many people are not familiar with Walken's earlier career as a crazy song-and-dance-man on Broadway!

Imagine Christopher Walken -- then known as Ronnie Walken -- wearing a white Victorian wig and belting out showtoons. Terrifying! But I've seen pictures of it, so it must be real!

Every so often the song-and-dance-man-side of Walken seems to slip out. I saw him on the David Letterman show, and when Letterman made the mistake of teasing him about his Broadway shows, A devilish look swept across Walken's face, and he started singing a filthy sea shanty! And he wouldn't stop. Letterman had to cut to a commercial break because the sailor obscenities were flying out faster than the censors could bleep them. Terrifying!

Now it seems that Walken's dancing roots occasionally resurface too. There's a new FatBoy slim video, directed by Spike Jones, and starring Christoper Walken. This has got to be the best combination since the Abel Ferrara + Christopher Walken + Chris Penn == The Funeral. Except this time the result is really good! The Funeral was a little boring, which seems impossible, but also true...

Indeed, this video is so good that people everywhere will put on suits and go dance in hotel lobbies throughout the land. Christopher Walken even flies around like in Crapping Tiger Grouchy Dragon!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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