Build Date: Thu Nov 6 23:50:15 2025 UTC
I've left enough things hanging that they can't afford to fire me.
-- Mr. Bad
Walken Super Dance
2001-07-05 16:24:14
Christopher Walken launches his music video career.
Most people are familiar with Christopher Walken's multifarious portrayals of exceedingly bad people. Who would ever forget Mr. Smith in Nick of Time, repeatedly punching Johnny Depp in the stomach (and giving him a good pistol whipping too), and "Hickey," in Last Man Standing, a scowling monster-man with a Tommy Gun; and of course the evil arch-angel Gabrial, in the Prophesy series -- a roll that Walken seemed born to play ("I'm an angel. I kill newborns while their mamas watch...."). But many people are not familiar with Walken's earlier career as a crazy song-and-dance-man on Broadway!
Imagine Christopher Walken -- then known as Ronnie Walken -- wearing a white Victorian wig and belting out showtoons. Terrifying! But I've seen pictures of it, so it must be real!
Every so often the song-and-dance-man-side of Walken seems to slip out. I saw him on the David Letterman show, and when Letterman made the mistake of teasing him about his Broadway shows, A devilish look swept across Walken's face, and he started singing a filthy sea shanty! And he wouldn't stop. Letterman had to cut to a commercial break because the sailor obscenities were flying out faster than the censors could bleep them. Terrifying!
Now it seems that Walken's dancing roots occasionally resurface too. There's a new FatBoy slim video, directed by Spike Jones, and starring Christoper Walken. This has got to be the best combination since the Abel Ferrara + Christopher Walken + Chris Penn == The Funeral. Except this time the result is really good! The Funeral was a little boring, which seems impossible, but also true...
Indeed, this video is so good that people everywhere will put on suits and go dance in hotel lobbies throughout the land. Christopher Walken even flies around like in Crapping Tiger Grouchy Dragon!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
Still Up For the Party? America's Dance Floors Are Graying
Raving over 30 doesn't have to be embarassing anymore. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
