Build Date: Thu May 1 02:20:44 2025 UTC
Better seek treatment before you start imagining that Marilyn Monroe is your mom.
-- Master Squid
Ed's Shirt
2004-06-26 14:21:21
It was Friday night at the Casa de Baron and everything was in place -- a group of friends had assembled, people were setting things on fire in the backyard, and a Ferry Corsten double-live CD was playing on the stereo. Everything was in place to make further scientific advances in beverage research and leisure technology.
Ed was looking listlessly at the array of alocoholic choices before him. "I'd like a drink," he said, "but I don't know what to make. Could you make me something?"
I was on my fifth G&T, several people were drinking Red Tail Ale, Kevin was doing something with large amounts of vodka and lime juice but I wasn't sure just what, and I'd just given Ed's wife a Star Twin SPECTACULAR. It was time for something new.
"I could INVENT a drink for you," I said. "What kind of drink would you like? Sweet? Sour? Fizzy?"
"I like sweet drinks" said Ed.
"Something fruity? Tropical?" I asked.
"YEA haHa ahhh! Fruity!" Ed said enthusiastically, then he cackled like a mountain gorilla. I took that as an affirmative sign.
I grabbed a glass and this is what I did:
- I filled the glass one third full of ice.
- Added enough tangerine juice to fill the glass halfway.
- Added a splash of Odwalla lime juice.
- I threw in a shot of banana rum, a shot of pineapple rum, and a shot of coconut rum.
- Topped off with a splash of Midori.
The rums and Midori made the top of the glass green, while the bottom of the glass was orange-yellow, with rivulets of green running through it. "We need a name for this," I said.
"It's DELICIOUS," cried Ed, grasping the glass as if it were full of precious jewels.
I looked at Ed and noticed he was wearing a green-yellow-orange tie-dyed shirt, which looked exactly like the drink in his hand. Ed was color-coordinated with his drink. The drink's name was obvious.
"Who else wants an Ed's Shirt?" I asked.
Everyone did.
Don't you?
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
The quest for knowledge never ends at the super top secret Spock Mountain Laboratory, although it is frequently interrupted by beverage breaks. Recently, a team of crack ethnomixologists returned from a dangerous expedition to the frozen expanse of Canada with the much sought recipe for a Spocktail that is destined to replace blunt force head trauma as the major cause of brain damage in the civilized world. (More...)
Absinthia: The Pigdog Interview
Absinthe is making a come back for the Millennium. Even English people are slurping it down in pubs, eschewing their normal, healthy stouts and ales. And why not? Hell, if the planet is going to explode anyway, why not ride the DEATH WAVE in, and celebrate Y2K with the most entertaining and vicious elixir you can find? Come! Explore the "Absinthe Underground" with El Snatcher, Mr. Bad, and Splicer, as they interview the notorious absinthe bootlegger, Absinthia. (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
Pigdog dispatched special correspondent Ratsnatcher for a holiday reconnaissance of America's frozen hell. After ten days of silence, our shortwave radio cackled with Ratsnatcher's static-filled transmission. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
