We here at Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL - world leaders in beverage research and leisure technology) have been noting some complaints about a few of the last Spocktails recipes we’ve released to the general public. Some complaints received to barfback and pigdog-l have centered around the opinion that no one in their right minds would make the drink in question much less consume it.

These are outright lies, undoubtedly started by our competitors who have apparently gotten tired of having their butts kicked in beverage science and resorted to spreading vicious and untrue rumors about SRML. When we can prove it, we gonna sic our attack dog lawyers on their ass for slander.

We here at SMRL stand behind our work and our QA process and proudly brew, test and refine each recipe until it is prefect. We are professionals and we are proud of our profession and our work. And this is dangerous work. Hardly a month goes by where there isn’t some sort of incident in the labs... either equipment blowing up, or someone falling down for no apparent reason or someone rushing to the hospital to have their stomach pumped. Cutting edge research sometimes means someone bleeds.

We’ve also gotten some complaints that some of the recipes are too hard to make... especially by someone who has just recently fortified their resolve to try a new Spocktail by drinking a case of beer. That’s one of the problems of being professionals, I guess. We practice, practice, practice until we can make these cocktails in our sleep... so we tend to forget that our public doesn’t have our extensive background in beverotology.

So this week, we are making a simple cocktail, one that everyone can easily make and enjoy. We call it the Vulcan Highlander.

• 2 shots 25 year old Macallan Single Malt Scotch.

Pour ingredients into a large tumbler with two freshly made ice cubes. Sip and enjoy the favor of ancient peat moss. Repeat until suitably drunk.

That was easy wasn’t it? Now, I know you’re probably worried about the cost - as Macallan tends to be a bit on the pricey side. Well, we’ve found that if you make an after hours visit to BevMo, or your favorite local liquor store, when no one is in the building, that the prices seem to be much more reasonable. We usually bring the truck and buy by the case on those trips.

dunsmuir@pigdog.org