Build Date: Sat Feb 14 09:40:17 2026 UTC
I always use the Ed Asner test for my personal beliefs. That is, if I accidentally agree with Ed Asner, I go back and check my math.
-- S. Dallas, Esq.
The Vulcan Highlander
2000-05-06 17:02:14
We here at Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL - world leaders in beverage research and leisure technology) have been noting some complaints about a few of the last Spocktails recipes we’ve released to the general public. Some complaints received to barfback and pigdog-l have centered around the opinion that no one in their right minds would make the drink in question much less consume it.
These are outright lies, undoubtedly started by our competitors who have apparently gotten tired of having their butts kicked in beverage science and resorted to spreading vicious and untrue rumors about SRML. When we can prove it, we gonna sic our attack dog lawyers on their ass for slander.
We here at SMRL stand behind our work and our QA process and proudly brew, test and refine each recipe until it is prefect. We are professionals and we are proud of our profession and our work. And this is dangerous work. Hardly a month goes by where there isn’t some sort of incident in the labs... either equipment blowing up, or someone falling down for no apparent reason or someone rushing to the hospital to have their stomach pumped. Cutting edge research sometimes means someone bleeds.
We’ve also gotten some complaints that some of the recipes are too hard to make... especially by someone who has just recently fortified their resolve to try a new Spocktail by drinking a case of beer. That’s one of the problems of being professionals, I guess. We practice, practice, practice until we can make these cocktails in our sleep... so we tend to forget that our public doesn’t have our extensive background in beverotology.
So this week, we are making a simple cocktail, one that everyone can easily make and enjoy. We call it the Vulcan Highlander.
- 2 shots 25 year old Macallan Single Malt Scotch.
That was easy wasn’t it? Now, I know you’re probably worried about the cost - as Macallan tends to be a bit on the pricey side. Well, we’ve found that if you make an after hours visit to BevMo, or your favorite local liquor store, when no one is in the building, that the prices seem to be much more reasonable. We usually bring the truck and buy by the case on those trips.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
First in a regular series! The Pigdog Journal Spocktail of the Week features recipes for EXCITING and DELICIOUS potions and tonics for your quaffing pleasure! Gulp down a whole lot TODAY! (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
A Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Liquor
Curled up cozy with a good book? All warm and snuggly and thinking about friends far away? So am I, reading the greatest story by the greatest writer -- when he suddenly starts waxing philosophical about liquor! (More...)
