Build Date: Wed Sep 3 01:30:13 2025 UTC
I'd like a bumper sticker that says "Pillage Globally, Profit Locally."
-- Trevor 'Fuckhead' Johnson
Whole Lotta Shakin Goin On
2000-11-11 14:29:52
Yeah, that's a lame title, but everyone who writes a puff piece about earthquakes uses it, and as a Professional Journalist I feel obliged to submit to the tradition. (Just so you know, I will also use the word "temblor" later in this article). However, this puff piece is different -- it's not just about earthquakes as scary natural phenomenon, but earthquakes as a tool for VIOLENT SOCIAL CHANGE!
So, check it: San Francisco, right? Late Nineties Internet Gold Rush Ground Zero. What with incoming dot-com carpet-baggers from the East Coast arriving by the fuckload each day (confidential to carpet-baggers: fuck off and die. We hate you), commercial and residential rents are going through the roof. This means that folks who make San Francisco cool are being driven out of the City in record numbers -- they can't have homes, they can't have artists' studios, they can't have rehearsal space, they can't have nothing.
What's going to change that? The group I link to below, ARTISTS FOR EARTHQUAKES, has an idea: instigate a MASSIVE EARTHQUAKE in San Francisco to destroy large amounts of property. Property values plummet, all the shady businesses and creeps in rugby shirts go back to their Rust Belt homes, and we can have our City back. All due to a massive temblor. Beaujolais for that!
Anyways, check out Artists for Earthquakes. They're planning lots of cool events, like tap dancing on the Hayward Fault (trying to get it to shift, don't you know) or banging REAL LOUD DRUMS on the San Andreas. Haven't you always wanted to change history (and geography)? Now's your chance.
T O P S T O R I E S
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Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
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Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
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Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
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Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
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The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
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Grow better illegal mushrooms than lousy "Psilocybe fanaticus"
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Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
The IBM Selectric Typewriter Changed My Life
I ran my hands lovingly across her frame, lightly brushing her metallic nipples with my fingers, admiring the shapes and the ways of her curves, the empathetic hum she produced as I had my way with her, the way she made it all seem so effortless and right... she didn't even seem to mind the way I roughly manipulated her knobs and tweaked her casing. She was extremely tolerant, for a typewriter. (More...)
