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Dont Forget! March 13 is St.Urpasian Day!

by Negative Nancy

2000-02-14 16:36:03

A few thousand years ago in Rome, February 14th was a big carnal love fest where boys and girls would hook up for a year of orgys and parties at the vomitorium. Around the same time this guy Valentine was beaten with clubs and beheaded by Claudius II. The poor persecuted party-pooping Xtians decided to sabotage the chick-picking party and replace it with there own platonic holiday-- Valentine's.

But for every martryed Saint that managed to take over some naughty little pagan romp, there are a thousand that got shut out and forgotten. I think it's about time that we start to stop and give a thought to some of these other, less commercial figurers:

  • February 23- Why celebrate President's Day when you could be basking in the glory of St. Peter Damian, one of the chief forerunners of the Hildebrandine reform in the Church - Yay!

  • May 15- Mother's Day is really wasted nagging old ladies, isn't it? But St. Isidore, the Farmer's Day is always a party!

  • June 19- Does anyone out of third grade even know when Flag Day is? You'll never have to be reminded when we start celebrating St. Romuald's Day instead!

  • July 4- Forget B-B-Qs and fireworks! The Fourth of July is all about St. Elizabeth of Portugal, of the Third Order of St. Francis, who reminds all of us to go to Mass everyday or be burned alive in a lime-furnace!

  • October 9- Columbus day really isn't all that popular anymore anyway. I doubt anyone would complain if we replaced this un-PC excuse for a day off with the holy trio of Saints Denis, Rusticus, and Eleutherius! Just imagine all those cute little school kids cutting off their heads and throwing themselves into rivers!! Heehee! It make me smile so, just to think of their smiling pious heads!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

xandria@pigdog.org

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