Build Date: Tue Sep 23 06:00:10 2025 UTC
I realized at some point that I would have to give up either drinking or driving. It was a very easy decision to make. The next day somebody offered me 1000 dollars for my car. I spent it on food and drinks.
-- Ocha Ha
Last One on the Bandwagon Turn Out the Lights
2000-03-25 20:32:13
I dunno why it's taken me so long to write an article about this Boycott Amazon crap. Usually I jump all over this kind of thing and make something out of nothing. But in this case practically everybody in the world is bitching out Amazon, and I'm way in the back of the crowd picking bits of wax out of my ear with my pinky. Metaphorically, of course.
So, here's the poop, Scoop: Amazon.com got awarded these patents for this stuff that lots of people do on the Web all the time. No big news, sure: there are a ton of Web patents out there. 13,000 software patents awarded in the last 3 years, if memory serves.
But Amazon.com is big and they are supposedly some kind of Web leaders, so everybody is mad. Richard Stallman is mad (what's new?), and got the whole ball rolling in his inimitable style. Then lots of weird people got mad and started sites like No Web Patents dot Org and No Amazon dot Com. Huzzah for them. They cut much better HTML than anyone at the GNU organization, you have to admit.
Then strange Tim O'Reilly got into the act, for some crazy reason, although he's kinda creepy if you ask me. He sent this open letter to Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon.com, and that got a lot of press. Then Jeff Bezos sent this open letter back, pretty much defending his dumb patents. It's funny that it took a rich white publisher to get this rich white bookseller to respond, but what the fuck? That's exactly how the old boy network works. Good for them.
Bezos is a slimy shifty creature, of course. He wouldn't be head of Amazon if he wasn't. He turned the whole thing into a big crusade against patents in general, totally sidestepping the fact that he's got two big dumb patents that he shouldn't have in the first place. What a weasel! Give up the patents, Jeff, you spin-doctoring motherfucker! When you show you have an ounce of integrity, we'll let you play. Until that point, you're one of Them and are in the line of fire.
Anyways, I personally support the boycott of Amazon [can't speak for the rest of PDJ editorial staff, of course]. Frankly, I don't think a boycott is enough to dopeslap a dumb greedy e-commerce company with a bad fucking attitude, as I've mentioned before. But, hell, I don't have the energy to write a long QUIT AMAZON screed, so you folks make it up yourselves. If you work for Amazon, quit.
That said, everybody else should give Amazon.com the cold shoulder. You know that trick where you hold out your hand to shake hands with somebody, and then when they reach for your hand, you pull it away and smooth your hair down with it instead? That's what you should do with Amazon. Go use their fancy search facilities to find the book you want, and then go buy the book from one of these fine, non-patent-holding booksellers on the Web:
Jeez, man, this fight for information rights is getting HARD. It's like WHACK-A-MOLE: you hit one stupid industry behemoth and knock them on their ass with your huge comical mallet, and six more pop up in their place. Congratulations on joining the Asshole Mole Team, Jeff. Stand still, this is gonna hurt a little bit.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
One of our star reporters was sent to Comdex by his employer. El Destino reports live from the biggest, geekiest trade show in the world. (More...)
My experiment is a failure. Rockstar-and-Robitussin tastes like day-after-Halloween bile. I'm trying to choke down enough to discover the effects, but no matter what those are one thing is certain at the outset: what I have discovered is not a Beverage, but a pale green and angry iced abomination.
You were right: science is not for the weak of will nor stomach. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
Another Spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL: Home of The Deathwave Bar & Grill! (More...)
