Build Date: Mon Jan 19 23:40:29 2026 UTC
Most immortality blueprints are vampiric, directly or covertly...
-- WSB
Last One on the Bandwagon Turn Out the Lights
2000-03-25 20:32:13
I dunno why it's taken me so long to write an article about this Boycott Amazon crap. Usually I jump all over this kind of thing and make something out of nothing. But in this case practically everybody in the world is bitching out Amazon, and I'm way in the back of the crowd picking bits of wax out of my ear with my pinky. Metaphorically, of course.
So, here's the poop, Scoop: Amazon.com got awarded these patents for this stuff that lots of people do on the Web all the time. No big news, sure: there are a ton of Web patents out there. 13,000 software patents awarded in the last 3 years, if memory serves.
But Amazon.com is big and they are supposedly some kind of Web leaders, so everybody is mad. Richard Stallman is mad (what's new?), and got the whole ball rolling in his inimitable style. Then lots of weird people got mad and started sites like No Web Patents dot Org and No Amazon dot Com. Huzzah for them. They cut much better HTML than anyone at the GNU organization, you have to admit.
Then strange Tim O'Reilly got into the act, for some crazy reason, although he's kinda creepy if you ask me. He sent this open letter to Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon.com, and that got a lot of press. Then Jeff Bezos sent this open letter back, pretty much defending his dumb patents. It's funny that it took a rich white publisher to get this rich white bookseller to respond, but what the fuck? That's exactly how the old boy network works. Good for them.
Bezos is a slimy shifty creature, of course. He wouldn't be head of Amazon if he wasn't. He turned the whole thing into a big crusade against patents in general, totally sidestepping the fact that he's got two big dumb patents that he shouldn't have in the first place. What a weasel! Give up the patents, Jeff, you spin-doctoring motherfucker! When you show you have an ounce of integrity, we'll let you play. Until that point, you're one of Them and are in the line of fire.
Anyways, I personally support the boycott of Amazon [can't speak for the rest of PDJ editorial staff, of course]. Frankly, I don't think a boycott is enough to dopeslap a dumb greedy e-commerce company with a bad fucking attitude, as I've mentioned before. But, hell, I don't have the energy to write a long QUIT AMAZON screed, so you folks make it up yourselves. If you work for Amazon, quit.
That said, everybody else should give Amazon.com the cold shoulder. You know that trick where you hold out your hand to shake hands with somebody, and then when they reach for your hand, you pull it away and smooth your hair down with it instead? That's what you should do with Amazon. Go use their fancy search facilities to find the book you want, and then go buy the book from one of these fine, non-patent-holding booksellers on the Web:
Jeez, man, this fight for information rights is getting HARD. It's like WHACK-A-MOLE: you hit one stupid industry behemoth and knock them on their ass with your huge comical mallet, and six more pop up in their place. Congratulations on joining the Asshole Mole Team, Jeff. Stand still, this is gonna hurt a little bit.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Canadians Not So Different After All
Nobody wants to be prejudiced. But sometimes you can be biased and not even realize it. I think many Americans are biased in this way against Canadians. I never really stopped to think about it, but I myself used to be this way. I guess I thought that Canadians were "stuck-up" — you know, smarter and better cultured than us. But then I got educated about Canadia. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
First there was the Bloody Mary: Vodka, Tomato Juice, Worcestershire sauce, some spices, and celery. We drank it, and it was good. Then any drink with tomato juice got a prefix of "bloody" attached to it. We drank them, and they were mostly bad. Now Pigdog gets back to basics and introduces The Bloody Dog, a drink with REAL BLOOD in it. HUMAN BLOOD. (More...)
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
