www.fewmets.net

     
 

Seanbaby vs. "Captain Tootsie"
2002-01-06 16:26:54


Net Flotsam
 
Is the tech economy down because we're all fucking around on the Internet during work hours, or are we fucking around on the Internet during work hours because the tech economy is down? This is one of those chicken/egg questions that keeps me up at night.
-- Master Squid

 

"Them thar Tootsie Rolls sure put steam inta yer muscles, don't they?" It's time for another round of stupid comic books ads lovingly critiqued by the wise guys at SeanBaby.com.

"Captain Tootsie" has a bad-ass military-issue rifle equipped with an infra-red sniper-scope and a fluorescent eyepiece. But "You don't need a sniperscope to spot the gosh-a-mighty goodness of chewy, chocolaty Tootsie Rolls," he reminds us. And one bad ad is underway.

It seems that a military rifle would come in handy if a killer bear were rampaging through a campground of little girls. But here's how that scenario gets rendered by the artist of the comic book ad.

"Wow! Listen to that excitement!"
"Screech! Eek!"

And so on and so on....

Seanbaby has assembled a new collection of ads so jaw-droppingly bad that it's impossible to resist heckling them. ("I have no idea what Tootsie Rolls have to do with murdering bears," Seanbaby notes.) Though he's famous for de-constructing dozens of 70s ads in which Marvel and DC superheros pimped Hostess Fruit Pies, Seanbaby reminds us of that truly bad comic book advertising transcends the entire comic book universe.

He's discovered another gem where two small children frighten an escaped gorilla with weapons that they earned selling White Cloverine-brand Salve. They weren't plastic weapons, one Pigdog reader believes. "Dude. It was the seventies.... You actually could get a .22 caliber rifle from selling cloverine salve.

"We live in a different world today...."

Indeed. Another extremely violent ad even features Sam Spade.

If there's one upside to bad comic book advertising, it's this. Besides the thrilling cultural vertigo you get from seeing ads that are hopelessly outdated -- it's also really, really entertaining to watch someone making fun of them.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

zales@pigdog.org


comments powered by Disqus
 
     

 

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
by El Snatcher & Ms. BunnyPenny

Absinthia: The Pigdog Interview
by El Snatcher, Mr. Bad

Please Continue...
by Baron Earl

Escape to Spock Mountain!
by Baron Earl

12-04

El Destino

What teenaged girls really wanted to ask David Cassidy

10-09

El Destino

Frank Sinatra told Donald Trump to "go fuck himself"

07-05

El Destino

Whatever happened to JenniCam's Jennifer Ringley?

05-03

El Destino

Iíve Made Millions Selling Fake Plastic Hillbilly Teeth

05-03

Baron Earl

Fyre Fest Lawsuit

05-03

Baron Earl

US Government uses drones to shoot M&Ms at endangered ferrets

05-03

Baron Earl

When will the abuse of airline passengers stop?

05-03

El Destino

Hillbilly miner turned coder wants to make Kentucky into "Silicon Holler"

03-31

El Destino

86-year-old William Shatner cast in a new romantic comedy: 'Senior Moment'

03-19

El Destino

New ransomware taunts its victims with ASCII art of Spock and Kirk

01-26

Flesh

Alex Jones is Big, Fat, And Drunk in Public.

08-01

El Destino

Amazon's secret: incest in the Kindle ad?

08-01

El Destino

Slut Walk! Sexy feminist protest, or invaders from Mars?

04-25

Daemon Agent

The Quest for the Best Cheap Beer in a Can

04-25

Eugene Leitl

Beverage science at its finest

04-16

El Destino

YouTube punishes copyright offenders with animated pirate cat

04-09

Baron Earl

Poll shows that almost half of Mississippi's Republicans think interracial marriage should be illegal

04-07

Baron Earl

Commodore64 redux - now with Linux

04-06

El Destino

George Takei demonstrates why he should be playing Spider-Man

04-01

El Destino

High school students sacrifice chickens to improve their batting average

More Quickies...