Mr. Bad does it again! The long-awaited list of the world's funniest mandrill jokes! Collect them all!
Q. How many mandrills does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Three. One to scream, one to have a big blue butt, and one
to throw his poo at everybody. (HINT: The funny part is that the
lightbulb doesn't even get screwed in! HAW HAW!)
h r taffs walked into a bar, where he saw e.e. cummings, bell
hooks, and john q. sensitive. They all beat him up and threw
him out into the street to die. There, his body was gnawed
upon by mandrills.
An English mandrill, a Jewish mandrill, ex-President of the
United States Richard Nixon and a Canadian mandrill are flying
in an airplane when the intercom comes on.
"This is your pilot," says the pilot. "We've had a big engine
accident and the plane is going to crash. There are only two
parachutes on the plane, and I'm taking off. Fuck you all."
And then they can all see him eject, flipping them the bird.
Richard Nixon says, "We have to decide who gets the last
parachute." Then he realizes that they are all just mandrills,
so he takes it and leaves.
Then the English mandrill and the Jewish mandrill beat up the
Canadian mandrill real bad.
Here is a humorous mandrill porn song!
THE SAFETY DANCE FOR MANDRILLS
(Sung to the tune of "Safety Dance" by Canadian superstars Men
Without Hats)
We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind
Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine
(I say) We can go where we want to,
There's a place they'll never find
And we can act like we come from out of this world
Leave the real one far behind,
and we can dance. Like mandrills.
Ah we can go when we want to, the night is young and so am I
And we can dress real neat from our hats to our feet
and surprise 'em with the mandrill cry
(I say) We can act if want to, if we don't nobody will
And you can act real rude and throw all your poo
And I can have a big blue butt
I say, we can dance, we can dance everything's out control
We can dance, we can dance we're doing it pole to pole like mandrills.
We can dance, we can dance everybody look at your porn
We can dance, we can dance everybody's takin' the chance
Safety dance
Oh well the safety dance for mandrills... [repeat]
We can dance if we want to, we've got all your life and mine
As long as we abuse it, never gonna lose it
Everything'll work out right for the mandrills
I say, we can dance if we want to we can leave your friends behind
Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're are no friends of mine
I say, we can dance, we can dance the mandrills are out of control
We can dance, we can dance we're doing it pole to pole
We can dance, we can dance everybody look at your hands
We can dance, we can dance h r taffs is takin' the chance
Oh Well the safety dance for mandrills... [repeat]
A mandrill goes to see his doctor, who is also a mandrill. The
doctor mandrill says, "I have good news and I have bad
news. Which do you want to hear first?"
The other mandrill, the one who's not a doctor, just a
mandrill, says, "Tell me the good news first."
"The good news is that you are a mandrill," says the
doctor. Then they both scream and throw their poo around a lot
for a while, kinda to celebrate and like that.
After a while, the other mandrill (non-doctor mandrill again)
says, "Well, then, what is the bad news?"
The doctor mandrill says, "You have a big blue butt."
And the first mandrill says, "So do you!"
A priest, a rabbi, ex-President of the United States Richard
Nixon and a mandrill are playing golf. The rabbi's not playing
so good, so the priest thinks maybe he can take him for a
little cash.
"Rabbi, let's make this game a little more interesting," says
the priest. "For each point above par I make, I will give you
five dollars. For each point below par, you give *ME* five
dollars. But if we BOTH go below par, then you give me a BLOW
JOB."
The rabbi looks at the priest like he's crazy. He's totally
flabbergasted. Finally he asks, "You want to make the game
more INTERESTING? What's the MATTER with you? We're playing
fucking GOLF with ex-President RICHARD NIXON and a MANDRILL, man!"
Then they both look over at the mandrill, who's jumping up and
down on his golf bag and screaming and throwing poo at Richard
Nixon. Richard Nixon is, like, waving his hands in the air and
yelling, "Help! Help!" and running around in circles trying
not to get hit by mandrill poo.
"OK, I guess you're right," says the priest. "But I sure could
use a blow job."
