Build Date: Thu Mar 28 14:50:08 2024 UTC
He had that rare weird electricity about him -- that extremely wild and heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned all hope of ever behaving `normally.
-- HST
World's Funniest Mandrill Jokes
1999-07-14 11:00:00
Mr. Bad does it again! The long-awaited list of the world's funniest mandrill jokes! Collect them all!
A. Three. One to scream, one to have a big blue butt, and one to throw his poo at everybody. (HINT: The funny part is that the lightbulb doesn't even get screwed in! HAW HAW!)
Richard Nixon says, "We have to decide who gets the last parachute." Then he realizes that they are all just mandrills, so he takes it and leaves.
Then the English mandrill and the Jewish mandrill beat up the Canadian mandrill real bad.
THE SAFETY DANCE FOR MANDRILLS (Sung to the tune of "Safety Dance" by Canadian superstars Men Without Hats) We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance Well they're no friends of mine (I say) We can go where we want to, There's a place they'll never find And we can act like we come from out of this world Leave the real one far behind, and we can dance. Like mandrills.
Ah we can go when we want to, the night is young and so am I And we can dress real neat from our hats to our feet and surprise 'em with the mandrill cry (I say) We can act if want to, if we don't nobody will And you can act real rude and throw all your poo And I can have a big blue butt
I say, we can dance, we can dance everything's out control We can dance, we can dance we're doing it pole to pole like mandrills. We can dance, we can dance everybody look at your porn We can dance, we can dance everybody's takin' the chance Safety dance Oh well the safety dance for mandrills... [repeat]
We can dance if we want to, we've got all your life and mine As long as we abuse it, never gonna lose it Everything'll work out right for the mandrills I say, we can dance if we want to we can leave your friends behind Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance Well they're are no friends of mine
I say, we can dance, we can dance the mandrills are out of control We can dance, we can dance we're doing it pole to pole We can dance, we can dance everybody look at your hands We can dance, we can dance h r taffs is takin' the chance Oh Well the safety dance for mandrills... [repeat]
"The good news is that you are a mandrill," says the doctor. Then they both scream and throw their poo around a lot for a while, kinda to celebrate and like that.
After a while, the other mandrill (non-doctor mandrill again) says, "Well, then, what is the bad news?"
The doctor mandrill says, "You have a big blue butt."
And the first mandrill says, "So do you!"
"Rabbi, let's make this game a little more interesting," says the priest. "For each point above par I make, I will give you five dollars. For each point below par, you give *ME* five dollars. But if we BOTH go below par, then you give me a BLOW JOB."
The rabbi looks at the priest like he's crazy. He's totally flabbergasted. Finally he asks, "You want to make the game more INTERESTING? What's the MATTER with you? We're playing fucking GOLF with ex-President RICHARD NIXON and a MANDRILL, man!"
Then they both look over at the mandrill, who's jumping up and down on his golf bag and screaming and throwing poo at Richard Nixon. Richard Nixon is, like, waving his hands in the air and yelling, "Help! Help!" and running around in circles trying not to get hit by mandrill poo.
"OK, I guess you're right," says the priest. "But I sure could use a blow job."
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