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What's Tjames Doing in Europe?
2002-02-16 11:17:38


Monkey Business
 
There are physical limits to depravity.
-- Head Freezin' Gene

 

In a move that has baffled most major Wall Street and Defense analysts, Tjames has apparently invaded Europe, establishing a presence and even planting a flag. The analysts have all been stunned into silence and collectively provided no comments, while off the record "claiming" to have never heard of America's favorite usenet personality.

Why Mr. Madison feels that this the right time to stake a claim in the old countries also has left several large multi-national corporations speechless. IBM, Microsoft, ATT and BT all refused to comment this bold and daring move, also denying any knowledge of Tjames existence.

When contacted at home and ask to personally comment on this audacious move, Tjames first denied that he has any plans for the invasion and subsequent subjugation of Europe, claiming that it was filled to the brim with French people and that he hates the French. However, after being presented with the evidence, Tjames admitted that there might be some "exploratory" work going on, but that it was just market research and that a "full scale invasion" just wasn't being planned. "Shit, JR, there are like 330 million people in Europe, how the hell would I feed them all after I took the place over?", commented Tjames. "No, it's just not practical, even if I ordered all the French people killed, that just too many mouths", he continued. Obviously, to this reporter anyway, that sort of statement clearly shows the fact that Tjames has been giving this matter a great deal of thought lately.

Further questioning only enraged him and he was soon screaming into the phone threats that make even this hardened reporter blanch. And just for the record, Mr Madison, I don't want a "power drill gasoline enema given by [your] pet mandrill while he's whacked out on trucker speed".

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

xandria@pigdog.org


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