Build Date: Mon Sep 9 08:20:04 2024 UTC
I've been told that I had a great time.
-- Donkey Hotey
Oh That's Really Gonna Help...
1999-04-22 13:11:00
Aggggg!!! Good God! Every time I think that this country has reached some sort of disgusting narrow-minded short-sighted scapegoat-burning LOW, the morons of the public school system come up with something so frustratingly dumb and obviously misguided that I actually get why some school kids are going completely POSTAL.
I understand that there must be some sort of reaction to the massacre, but the question is what? More gun control? More armed guards at schools? Metal Detectors? Or, how about some FRIGGIN' counselors or some sort of SUPPORT SYSTEM for the poor schmucks getting taunted and beat up every day of their pimply little lives.
NO, WAIT, I KNOW, lets ban trench coats!!! Yah, if they can't wear the trench coats then they can't kill people, right? Because there can't actually be anything going on inside those teenage brains, no, they are just puppets for evil clothing and bad music. Oh, and it's kinda nice that this won't cost us any MONEY or TIME, thank goodness this isn't one of those COMPLEX social problems with NO EASY SOLUTION!
Get a clue people.
T O P S T O R I E S
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In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
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SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
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Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The One I Feel Sorry For Is Joses
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A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
The quest for knowledge never ends at the super top secret Spock Mountain Laboratory, although it is frequently interrupted by beverage breaks. Recently, a team of crack ethnomixologists returned from a dangerous expedition to the frozen expanse of Canada with the much sought recipe for a Spocktail that is destined to replace blunt force head trauma as the major cause of brain damage in the civilized world. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
On the Implementation of a Grocery Bag And Overforestation Initiative
Patient Joab and his evil cohort, Patient Steve, develop a proposal for the plastic-v.-paper problem that EVERYONE can be happy with. An EXCLUSIVE from Spock Mountain Research Labs! (More...)
