Build Date: Fri Aug 7 00:50:16 2026 UTC
Fear is the enemy and anarchy is our supply line!
-- Mr. Bad
I Pledge Adieu
2002-06-26 16:17:40
A federal appeals court ruled that kids can't recite the Pledge of Allegiance to the United States flag in public schools because the phrase "under God" endorses religion. Hell, we don't need it anymore anyways, now that we can see The Flag stuck to the rear window of every God Fearing SUV that roams This Our Great Nation Land That I Love.
What a grueling process it was to even learn the dang thing. I could NEVER remember which side my heart was on when I was four. I was the tallest, dorkiest kid, just standing there with my doofus left hand below my right breast. There's even a class photo of me attempting to casually glance at my classmate, making certain I didn't have to lay my hand over my heart for the photo. There I am, the tallest four year old on God's Green Earth, towering over the back row with my hand half way up my torso. Why? Why did they even make me do that in the first place? Why, God, Why? And then we had to MEMORIZE a huge poem to recite DAILY. GOD!
I Pledge Allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America
and to the Republic
for which it stands,
one Nation under God,
indivisible,
with liberty
and justice
for all.
What a bunch of LONG and confusing WORDS! Thank God no Child Of Mine will ever have to go through THAT. And Thank God that whole inVISible, inDIVISible thing is finally over. Besides, we really shouldn't even hardly be LOOKING at the God Blessed Flag, let alone resting our hands on our hearts and reciting a breathy, romantic poem at it.
I vote we vamp this up a little, too. And For God's Sake, lose that awful JFK 1961 Inaugural Address audio file. I vote we replace it with Dubya's soon-to-be famous "I think we agree, the past is over."
The phrase "one Nation under God" was added by Ike in 1954. If Dubya can dub himself King, surely he can edit the durn Pledge of Allegiance, For The Love Of God. I vote we change it to "one Nation under a Groove" and be done with it. Then, in the future, kids'll get all confused between Bill Clinton and George Clinton during their Historical Holoclass Pop Quiz.
T O P S T O R I E S
John Dvorak has passed. I’m of mixed emotions. First off I’m more positive about his contribution to the overall technology journalism of the early PC days through the 90s, despite how many things he got wrong. He was a firebrand and commanded attention. (More...)
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
Another Spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL: Home of The Deathwave Bar & Grill! (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
