Build Date: Fri Mar 7 02:50:29 2025 UTC
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
-- Catherine Zandonella
Excellent Forth Magazine Online
2000-10-05 17:36:45
Man, the Forth Interest Group (FIG) of the UK (U) is really pretty damn on top of things. Not only has their Web site been updated like 30 million times since the last update of forth.org, but they also publish their newsletter, "Forthwrite," on the Web. Which, like, coolio, eh?
No, serious, I know this sounds deadly boring, but hear me out. As I've pointed out before, Forth is the most shithouse crazy programming language in the entire world.
Sure, you're not going to get a big fancy job from knowing Forth, but who cares about that? Only shithead dot-com losers learn programming languages just to get jobs and make money. Fucking hell! You should just get a job doing Visual Basic programming for nursing homes with that attitude, Jimmy!
I can almost hear you now. "I don't *want* to learn Forth! I want to learn Javascript so I can make interactive Dyna-Hatemail fuckball Websites gar gar gar and get a job as Junior Assistant dickhead Website maintenance buttboy at Broccoli dot Com, the online broccoli portal." WHINE WHINE WHINE! I wish I could slap you through the computer monitor, you chump. Have some fucking cojones is what I'm saying here.
Anyways, to recap: Forth is valuable because a) it is so crazy that it will break your brain and make you the ultimate Bad Person of the Future and b) it will teach you how to make a fleet of warbots to take over desert Planet Garfalune. If that holds no appeal, and you would rather have a job maintaining convoluted stolen Javascript code for IE 3.5 for the Mac for the rest of your life, well go RIGHT ahead, you mongoloid subnormal. I can't really stop you.
Anyways, on to Forthwrite: this is a fine newsletter-like magazine thing put out by the fanatic Forth-loving underculture in the United Kingdom. Unlike "Forth Dimensions," its American counterpart, this mag is on the WEB, and it's also still being PUBLISHED.
There's all kinds of good articles available in PDF format, which is all right I guess. At least there's an Acrobat Reader for Linux, unlike cheeseball Quicktime, which like I'm kind of pissed off about. Anyways, where was I? Oh, yeah, there's cool articles, like on the hip Canon Cat Forth-based computer of the late 1980s and on Charles Moore's new explorations into "Color Forth." (Don't ask, d00d! You're going to piss kiwi fruit when you see what kind of insane shit "Gnarly Charlie" Moore is up to now! Serious!)
Apparently they keep the articles about warbots in a separate members-only newsletter or something, because I couldn't find any. However, the shithouse crazy part is still intact. So, check out Forthwrite, and rock out. If you live in the UK, join the FIG UK, and send me a copy of the s00per-sekrit members-only warbot article.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Another Spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL: Home of The Deathwave Bar & Grill! (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
