Is the Online News Association a PYRAMID SCHEME?!?!
1999-06-24 21:07:24

Digital Gar Gar Gar!
Weíre living in a parallel universe. Unfortunately itís the one where Spock grows a beard.
-- Baron Earl


Haw haw haw! What a bunch of EVIL ASS-SUCKING TWERPS! The Online News Association has got to be the stupidest SCAM I ever did see, now!

You GOT to check out this link. HAR! I'm DYING from this! Apparently some nipple-headed crossover FATBOYS from the OLD MEDIA WORLD are all saddy-sad that their brethren in print and broadcast are always picking on them for being unprofessional. WAAH WAAH WAAH! I AM VERY SAD!

So they started this Online News Association so that nobody would make no fun of them no more and pelt them with rocks and garbage when they're walking home from the National Press Club and stuff.

And now they're gonna band together and work real hard to clean up town and make the Net safe for Responsible Journalism, and all the people who made fun of them will be sorry and bring them ice cream, and they'll go marching arm and arm down the street together towards a BRIGHTER TOMORROW.

Or so they would have you think.

See, I'm not convinced AT ALL. Nobody's stupid enough to think this kind of DOOMED MORON DUMBSHOW is gonna work for even a second, are they? NOBODY. Fuck, what could they possibly DO? Fact-check the ENTIRE FUCKING NET!? I would guess NOT. So what's the real deal here?

As best I can tell, all this ONA thing is is a SCAM to separate shifty-eyed insecure FREELANCE WRITER DIRTBALLS from their sweaty ill-gotten cash. It costs FIFTY SMACKS to join this shadowy lodge of mercenaries, and what do you get for it? ZIPPO. RESUME FILLER for the OTHERWISE UNHIREABLE.

If you wanna real laugheroo, get THIS: you can join at the "founder's level" for SEVENTY-FIVE BUCKS, which counts as half-off of your second-year dues. SECOND YEAR! Does anyone really believe this group's gonna be around in TWO YEARS?! HAR!

Now, don't get me wrong -- I appreciate store-bought credibility as much as the next guy. Hell, I only checked out this link to see if we could buy some for PDJ, after all. But I just don't think this bunch of Rotarians is gonna do anybody any good.

My only disappointment was not seeing Matt Drudge's name on the home page of ONA (sounds like "onan," doesn't it?). This kind of oily freakshow is right up his alley. Oh, well: maybe next scam.

Anyways, as an alternative, here's my standard advice for seedy thread-worn journalists who are wondering what they gotta do to get a job in this town:

Hey, FAT BOYS! Ha ha ha! You need to get HUNGRY again. Lean and cruel, with one ear to the ground at all times, like a Real Pigdog Journalist. Try rubbing down with gasoline and doing 200 pushups and 200 pullups twice a day. Get ANGRY! Drink straight Everclear! Learn a little something about JOURNALISM and maybe someday we'll let you be our COPY BOYS. Muahahahaha!.

And AMEN to that.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

comments powered by Disqus


C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

Put the "Life" Back in SF "Nightlife"
by Flesh

Absinthia: The Pigdog Interview
by El Snatcher, Mr. Bad

Eavesdropping on Geeks: 'Star Trek: Discovery' vs 'The Orville'
by Thom 'Starky' Stark, Lenny Tuberose, 'Tricky' Rick Moen, Destino

Solex vs. the Pigdog
by The Compulsive Splicer


Baron Earl

Cliff Burton Day in Castro Valley


El Destino

When Spock met PLATO


El Destino

A musical reminder: Don't Say GIF


El Destino

Devo's one and only Christmas song


El Destino

What teenaged girls really wanted to ask David Cassidy


El Destino

Frank Sinatra told Donald Trump to "go fuck himself"


El Destino

Whatever happened to JenniCam's Jennifer Ringley?


El Destino

Iíve Made Millions Selling Fake Plastic Hillbilly Teeth


Baron Earl

Fyre Fest Lawsuit


Baron Earl

US Government uses drones to shoot M&Ms at endangered ferrets

More Quickies...