Haw haw haw! What a bunch of EVIL ASS-SUCKING TWERPS! The
Online News Association has got to be the stupidest SCAM I
ever did see, now!
You GOT to check out this link. HAR! I'm DYING from this! Apparently some
nipple-headed crossover FATBOYS from the OLD MEDIA WORLD are all saddy-sad that
their brethren in print and broadcast are always picking on them for being
unprofessional. WAAH WAAH WAAH! I AM VERY SAD!
So they started this Online News Association so that nobody would make no fun
of them no more and pelt them with rocks and garbage when they're walking home
from the National Press Club and stuff.
And now they're gonna band together and work real hard to clean up town and
make the Net safe for Responsible Journalism, and all the people who made fun
of them will be sorry and bring them ice cream, and they'll go marching arm and
arm down the street together towards a BRIGHTER TOMORROW.
Or so they would have you think.
See, I'm not convinced AT ALL. Nobody's stupid enough to think this kind of
DOOMED MORON DUMBSHOW is gonna work for even a second, are they? NOBODY.
Fuck, what could they possibly DO? Fact-check the ENTIRE FUCKING NET!? I would
NOT. So what's the real deal here?
As best I can tell, all this ONA thing is is a SCAM to separate shifty-eyed
insecure FREELANCE WRITER DIRTBALLS from their sweaty ill-gotten cash. It costs
FIFTY SMACKS to join this shadowy lodge of mercenaries, and what do you get for
it? ZIPPO. RESUME FILLER for the OTHERWISE UNHIREABLE.
If you wanna real laugheroo, get THIS: you can join at the "founder's
level" for SEVENTY-FIVE BUCKS, which counts as half-off of your second-year
dues. SECOND YEAR! Does anyone really believe this group's gonna be around in
TWO YEARS?! HAR!
Now, don't get me wrong -- I appreciate store-bought credibility as much as the
next guy. Hell, I only checked out this link to see if we could buy some for
PDJ, after all. But I just don't think this bunch of Rotarians is gonna do
anybody any good.
My only disappointment was not seeing Matt Drudge's name on the home page of
ONA (sounds like "onan," doesn't it?). This kind of oily freakshow is right up
his alley. Oh, well: maybe next scam.
Anyways, as an alternative, here's my standard advice for seedy thread-worn
journalists who are wondering what they gotta do to get a job in this town:
Hey, FAT BOYS! Ha ha ha! You need to get HUNGRY again. Lean and cruel, with
one ear to the ground at all times, like a Real Pigdog Journalist. Try rubbing
down with gasoline and doing 200 pushups and 200 pullups twice a day. Get
ANGRY! Drink straight Everclear! Learn a little something about JOURNALISM and
maybe someday we'll let you be our COPY BOYS. Muahahahaha!.