133% of Americans Think Polls Make Their Opinion Worth Something
2000-01-31 17:18:57
I got a statistic for you-- imagine an average American. Got it? OK, now imagine that 50% of the US is dumber than that. Now give 75% of Americans access to computers. Finally set up a "news" site entirely devoted to reporting on the outcome of polls and combine that with the recent finding that show the more incompetent you are the less likely you are to know it... Volia-- Yahoo! Public Opinion.
Ah yes, public polling! How in the world did I manage to get through my day without knowing that "40.4% [of adults nationwide] agreed that indoor plumbing has been the single greatest addition to the 20th century home." Or that "Bugs Bunny & Friends Show was chosen Best of the Century by 26.3% of respondents."
Eh, but it all sounds so harmless, a kinda small-scale online mob-mentality that can reassure America's dumb-asses that they are in the in-crowd, at least when it comes to plumbing and cartoons. But what about real issues? Does the fact that 61.6% of 968 adults (who had nothing better to do than answer a phone survey) think Elian Gonzalez should be returned to Cuba mean anything?
Why do 968 random people's opinions matter more than one random person's opinion? What if you went to the hospital for major surgery and instead of 1 trained doctor you had 1324 adults from a nation-wide sampling vote on how to proceed?
Now I'm not saying I'm some kinda anti-democracy freak-o or anything-- I believe people should be able to vote on things that will affect their own lives. For example dumb-asses should be able to be ruled by dumb-ass laws. Self-righteous pricks have my blessing to elect self-righteous prick officials.
But that's exactly what's wrong with all the big hype and attention that's given to public polls. They shouldn't be part of a NEWS site, they should be on the back page with the horoscopes and comics... but that's just my opinion.
T O P S T O R I E S
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
Gary Busey definitely involved in a hit and run accident
Gary Busey was definitely involved in a hit-and-run accident, but won't face any charges because he's rich and famous. (More...)
Gary Busey allegedly involved in Malibu hit-and-run
"Sir! You hit my car! I need your information!" the woman yelled at Gary Busey driving a battered Volvo station wagon before he sped off. (More...)
Health and Human Services officials spend a year on pot
After a yearlong, comprehensive, thorough, complete investigation into the effects of marijuana usage, Health and Human Services (HHS) officials recommended that it be moved from Schedule I of the Controlled Substances Act to Schedule III, meaning that the HHS no longer considers cannabis to be a drug with high abuse potential and no medical value. (More...)
If you've ever wondered what actual bullshit looks like, just check the back side of Lee Meyers' decommissioned police cruiser. Lee chopped the top of the passenger side of the car off so he could take his full-grown Watusi bull, named Howdy Doody, for joy rides around his home town of Neligh, Nebraska. Since the car doesn't have bathroom facilities Howdy Doody just craps all over the back and side of the car whenever he feels the need to let one go. (More...)
Self-righteous assholes block highway to Burning Man
A group of self-righteous assholes converted exactly zero people to their cause by blocking the highway to Burning Man this week. The group, which used a flimsy trailer, some lengths of chain, and a few folding chairs to block the road, put up signs including "Burners of the World Unite," but none of the burners stopped in traffic wanted to unite with them for anything. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
40 Acres, a Mule, and a Crummy 90-Second Spot on Weekend Update
Consider the plight of the Black Man. The Black Man on "Saturday Night Live," I mean. Has there ever been a more pathetic thing than a token unredeemed for 28 years? Where is the NAACP when you really need them? (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)