Build Date: Fri Jun 13 09:30:09 2025 UTC
Please, folks, ASCII art is INTERLOGICAL POOPERY! Do not steal it, or you are a STEALER!!!!1!
-- Mr. Bad
Dear Jesus, Take My Wife... Please
1999-06-29 04:11:07
Here's something you don't get enough of on the web; a whole site apparently devoted to the sorts of "inspirational" stories and poems you normally find in the back pages of TRUE STORY magazine and the intermittent Ann Landers column on a day when Ann is feeling really lazy.
Take a good long look at "My Dear Wife," for instance, a charming little morality tale about a man who writes his wife a letter letting her know that "Jesus came for me today, while you were at work." It seems he asked Jesus if his wife could come along, too, but Jesus, that stern taskmaster, said no. The rest of the letter is basically this schmuck saying "You're going to Hell, sorry it had to turn out that way." Uplifting background music is provided.
On the flip side is "Letter From Satan," wherein even sterner taskmaster B.L. Zebub drops a cheery note on an unsuspecting sod, exhorting his anonymous prey to teach children to sin so they can go to hell faster: "So go ahead and teach some children how to sin. All you have to do is smoke, drink alcoholic beverages, cheat, gamble, gossip, fornicate, and listen to and dance to the top 10 jams." I always suspected the Backstreet Boys were EVIL.
While you're visiting this Repository of Bad, be sure to check out other such classics as "An Angel Called 'Mommy,'" "God Knows the Score," and "Children Learn What They Live." You'll be glad you did, and maybe you won't go to HELL!
T O P S T O R I E S
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Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
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Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
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Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
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The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
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Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
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What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
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Experimenter is a film released in 2015 starring Peter Sarsgaard. It tells the story of Dr. Stanley Milgram's life, including the infamous Milgram electric shock experiment, tests on crowds, and his work developing a theory on the mechanics of social networks. It currently streams on Netflix. (More...)
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