Build Date: Wed Dec 4 00:10:11 2024 UTC
I'm really pissed at NASA.... I'm also really drunk.
-- Johnnie Royale
Midget "Shortage" Strikes Britain!
1999-12-22 12:59:44
Forget Y2K, England's fresh out of Little People! Too many holiday productions of Snow White has created a dearth of dwarves in the Isles. No less than 18 professional productions are required to satisfy the Brit's ancient urge to see freaks dressed up in funny little costumes. That's 126 "people of restricted growth" or 630 feet of midget!!
They're importing them from Belgium, Finland, and Scotland (can you imagine working with a Scottish Dwarf?). Never mind being a computer programmer in San Francisco, if you want to be in demand hack your legs off at the knee and get to London!
T O P S T O R I E S
The Once & Future King of Dust
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Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
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'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
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In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
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SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
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Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
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The Ancient and Correct Sake Ceremony
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