Build Date: Thu Jun 12 10:40:20 2025 UTC

To the civilized nations of the world, America is the bully that eveyone wants on their team when choosing for a game of football, but no one wants their sister to marry.
-- Lenny Shirose

Pigcicle

by Baron Earl

2022-09-01 23:51:32

It's hot out, time to cool off with a frozen slab of smokey, hot-dog flavored gelato on a stick, Oscar Mayer's newest fresh-from-the-freezer treat, the Cold Dog.

Oscar Mayer says that no identifiable meat products are used when making Cold Dogs, although you can still taste the hickory-smoked hot dog flavor, along with tomatoes, onions, and some other flavors that the company declined to specify.

But wait! There's more! What frozen meat-like substance would be complete without some mustard? Not the Cold Dog, that's for sure! Every Cold Dog comes with a "mustard" swirl down the side of the meat-like stick. We have to put "mustard" in quotes here, because the actual substance is white chocolate that's been dyed bright yellow. That's right! The creators thought that every consumer would just love to wolf down some frozen meaty goodness covered with white chocolate.

Want to inflict this treat on a friend? The Cold Dog is available at select Popbar locations in Long Beach, New York City, Atlanta, and New Orleans for $2 a pop while supplies last, which should be quite a while.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

quadratic@pigdog.org

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