A veritable shitstorm of biblical proportions engulfed Broomfield:
City of Crime this week, as a quick glance at the latest Poilce and Fire
log showed a rash of barbaric, hate-fueled gutter emotions running unchecked
through the once-glorious and peaceful burg.
Residents were advised by a leftover Cold War-era loudspeaker system
to stay inside their homes at all times and to lock their doors and bar
their windows and other entryways. Residents owning guns who were
advised to stock up on bullets at the local Ace Hardware store were perplexed
when they discovered that the store had gone out of business six months
ago.
A quick summary of the flashpoint violence last week:
Two juvenile males got into a physical fight at the Target store
A lawn mower was stolen
An abandoned car with a broken windshield was discovered; police were not
immediately able to assess whether anything of value was stolen from the
car
A juvenile broke his parents' telephone. Loss: $175
A 7-year-old boy broke a window
A portable toilet seat was set on fire
Two trees were damaged
A garage window was damaged
Three adult females used the pool at Highlander Apartments after hours
A dead man was discovered
A tiki torch was assaulted
Graffiti was discovered on the 96th Street interchage
These are not happy days for Broomfield: City of Crime, my friends.
