Build Date: Wed Oct 7 10:30:50 2026 UTC
One wonders how prior generations survived and flourished without the Internet and alt.binaries.clits.
-- Johnnie Royale
Reality Crashes Down in Broomfield
1999-07-12 16:19:56
A veritable shitstorm of biblical proportions engulfed Broomfield: City of Crime this week, as a quick glance at the latest Poilce and Fire log showed a rash of barbaric, hate-fueled gutter emotions running unchecked through the once-glorious and peaceful burg.
Residents were advised by a leftover Cold War-era loudspeaker system to stay inside their homes at all times and to lock their doors and bar their windows and other entryways. Residents owning guns who were advised to stock up on bullets at the local Ace Hardware store were perplexed when they discovered that the store had gone out of business six months ago.
A quick summary of the flashpoint violence last week:
- Two juvenile males got into a physical fight at the Target store
- A lawn mower was stolen
- An abandoned car with a broken windshield was discovered; police were not immediately able to assess whether anything of value was stolen from the car
- A juvenile broke his parents' telephone. Loss: $175
- A 7-year-old boy broke a window
- A portable toilet seat was set on fire
- Two trees were damaged
- A garage window was damaged
- Three adult females used the pool at Highlander Apartments after hours
- A dead man was discovered
- A tiki torch was assaulted
- Graffiti was discovered on the 96th Street interchage
These are not happy days for Broomfield: City of Crime, my friends.
T O P S T O R I E S
John Dvorak has passed. I’m of mixed emotions. First off I’m more positive about his contribution to the overall technology journalism of the early PC days through the 90s, despite how many things he got wrong. He was a firebrand and commanded attention. (More...)
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Pigdog brings you SETI astronomer Seth Shostak to bring you the truth about Ay-leens (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
On the Implementation of a Grocery Bag And Overforestation Initiative
Patient Joab and his evil cohort, Patient Steve, develop a proposal for the plastic-v.-paper problem that EVERYONE can be happy with. An EXCLUSIVE from Spock Mountain Research Labs! (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
