I want to kill bugs, sir!

     
 

Mind-bending Braingames Torture Last Remaining Broomfield Survivors
2002-05-04 11:28:11


Broomfield: City of Crime
 
I say we nuke Canadia 'til it glows.
-- Johnnie Royale

 

Tossed and flayed on a hell-sea of crime, the last remaining residents of the blood-bathed mean streets of Broomfield, Colorado endure yet one more heinous torture flame from the furnace of crime: a mind-boggling scam game that toys with the victims' very understanding of right and wrong, up and down, death and very life.

Thought through clearly, it seems brutally obvious that the easiest potential prey for con men and false messiahs would be the tattered and scarred remnants of the Broomfield burger class. After all, torn by years of criminal rampaging shit-storms, the disoriented and disheartened citizens of Broomfield make easy pickings for those who would capitalize on the weak and anemic minds of the damned.

But even so, the scam pulled in the story below is beneath contempt. Perhaps a human being's last true natural right is the boundary between life and death. And yet the confidence artist uses the shadowy spaces on that very boundary to extract the last measly savings of hairkeepers and their kin, gripped in sweaty hands of desperate proto-humans with nowhere to turn.

Maybe the jackals do swoop down on the weakest among us, but it seems less than human to parade the corpse of a brave yet demolished hair-dresser -- a hair-dresser on the edge of life itself -- before her trembling colleagues, demanding their last meager shekels -- a mere $136 -- in the name of respect for the dead. Toying with emotions is one thing, but toying with a battered man's very comprehension of the fundamentals of qualitative physics is something else indeed.

It's time to demand the final evacuation of all remaining refugees in Broomfield, City of Crime. No longer can they face this influx of snake-oilers and carpet-bagging hucksters, shaking them down for blood money on the edge of eternity. When even the human mind is subject to criminal rampage, is it not time to pull out of the hellscape once and for all?

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

quintuplet@pigdog.org


comments powered by Disqus
 
     

 

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
by El Snatcher & Ms. BunnyPenny

Escape to Spock Mountain!
by Baron Earl

Absinthia: The Pigdog Interview
by El Snatcher, Mr. Bad

Please Continue...
by Baron Earl

12-04

El Destino

What teenaged girls really wanted to ask David Cassidy

10-09

El Destino

Frank Sinatra told Donald Trump to "go fuck himself"

07-05

El Destino

Whatever happened to JenniCam's Jennifer Ringley?

05-03

El Destino

Iíve Made Millions Selling Fake Plastic Hillbilly Teeth

05-03

Baron Earl

Fyre Fest Lawsuit

05-03

Baron Earl

US Government uses drones to shoot M&Ms at endangered ferrets

05-03

Baron Earl

When will the abuse of airline passengers stop?

05-03

El Destino

Hillbilly miner turned coder wants to make Kentucky into "Silicon Holler"

03-31

El Destino

86-year-old William Shatner cast in a new romantic comedy: 'Senior Moment'

03-19

El Destino

New ransomware taunts its victims with ASCII art of Spock and Kirk

01-26

Flesh

Alex Jones is Big, Fat, And Drunk in Public.

08-01

El Destino

Amazon's secret: incest in the Kindle ad?

08-01

El Destino

Slut Walk! Sexy feminist protest, or invaders from Mars?

04-25

Daemon Agent

The Quest for the Best Cheap Beer in a Can

04-25

Eugene Leitl

Beverage science at its finest

04-16

El Destino

YouTube punishes copyright offenders with animated pirate cat

04-09

Baron Earl

Poll shows that almost half of Mississippi's Republicans think interracial marriage should be illegal

04-07

Baron Earl

Commodore64 redux - now with Linux

04-06

El Destino

George Takei demonstrates why he should be playing Spider-Man

04-01

El Destino

High school students sacrifice chickens to improve their batting average

More Quickies...