Reliable, Balanced Entheogen Information

     
 

Entertainment Briefs: Kirk Douglas Fete Attracts Near-Record Turnout of Useless Celebrities
1999-12-10 00:51:56


Mocking Parade
 
So the founder of Men's Wearhouse, Dennis Peron, and the bassist for The Who walk into a bar. They get a frog and two spiders stoned. And then there is a mandrill.
-- Mr. Bad

 

Actor Kirk Douglas, celebrating his 427th birthday by reaffirming his Jewish heritage with a second Bar Mitzvah, attracted a huge turnout of Hollywood scum, vermin and hangers-on to a Los Angeles synagogue yesterday.

Guests in attendance included Ernest Borgnine, Angie Dickinson, Cyd Charisse, Tony Curtis and the horrible Larry King, as well as his four useless sons, including the notorious best friend of Jann Wenner, Michael Douglas.

Douglas, who is still recovering from a 1996 stroke, told the assembled offal humorous stories from throughout his unnaturally long life, and also performed a song-and-dance number in blackface with his sons, according to reliable sources.

Douglas also told a joke about porking Ava Gardner on an empty stomach, which brought inexplicable "laughter and applause" from the assembled grovellers.

In other entertainment news, Barry White is probably going to die soon, and "South Park" creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone have sold out to the Man... again.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

ozzyluvr@pigdog.org


comments powered by Disqus
 
     

 

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

WE'RE STILL TOTAL LOSERS JESUS
by Mr. Bad

GNUisance
by El Snatcher, Mr. Bad

Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
by Flesh

Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
by El Snatcher & Ms. BunnyPenny

12-04

El Destino

What teenaged girls really wanted to ask David Cassidy

10-09

El Destino

Frank Sinatra told Donald Trump to "go fuck himself"

07-05

El Destino

Whatever happened to JenniCam's Jennifer Ringley?

05-03

El Destino

Iíve Made Millions Selling Fake Plastic Hillbilly Teeth

05-03

Baron Earl

Fyre Fest Lawsuit

05-03

Baron Earl

US Government uses drones to shoot M&Ms at endangered ferrets

05-03

Baron Earl

When will the abuse of airline passengers stop?

05-03

El Destino

Hillbilly miner turned coder wants to make Kentucky into "Silicon Holler"

03-31

El Destino

86-year-old William Shatner cast in a new romantic comedy: 'Senior Moment'

03-19

El Destino

New ransomware taunts its victims with ASCII art of Spock and Kirk

01-26

Flesh

Alex Jones is Big, Fat, And Drunk in Public.

08-01

El Destino

Amazon's secret: incest in the Kindle ad?

08-01

El Destino

Slut Walk! Sexy feminist protest, or invaders from Mars?

04-25

Daemon Agent

The Quest for the Best Cheap Beer in a Can

04-25

Eugene Leitl

Beverage science at its finest

04-16

El Destino

YouTube punishes copyright offenders with animated pirate cat

04-09

Baron Earl

Poll shows that almost half of Mississippi's Republicans think interracial marriage should be illegal

04-07

Baron Earl

Commodore64 redux - now with Linux

04-06

El Destino

George Takei demonstrates why he should be playing Spider-Man

04-01

El Destino

High school students sacrifice chickens to improve their batting average

More Quickies...