E-sheep is like the best online site ever invented

     
 

Canadia to Return to Normalcy in 2004?
2002-03-21 00:00:38


Canadia Sucks
 
Behind every pathetic worthless loser of a man is a woman who figured his sorry ass out and stabbed him in the back.
-- The Compulsive Splicer

 

As long-suffering readers of the PDJ know, there is something dreadfully wrong with our northern neighbor, Canadia. Most civilized nations would have long ago diagnosed their own cultural paranoia, social malfeasance and general lack of significance, but not Canadia - which as you've probably already guessed - is filled with Canadians. No, Canadians are instead quite proud of their little commune in the tundra and in fact can get down right nasty defending that caribou infested nation.

The crack scientists at the world famous Spock Mountain Research Labs have long searched for a cure for the incredible national dysfunctionality displayed by this one time British lapdog of a colony during our brief breaks on those marathon beverology experiments which we so routinely conduct. Sadly, this mystery has stumped some of the greatest beverologists of all time and SMRL has been unable to concoct an antidote for the disease known worldwide as Eh Syndrome or its official Latin name Eingbay anadiancay.

However, while surfing the web, I happened across an article on CNN that claimed the North Magnetic Pole was leaving Canadia sometime in 2004. Then there was this thunderclap type of epiphany that happens when the truth is finally revealed. Of course, that has to be the answer - the Massive Gaussian fields that Canadians have been subjected to their entire lives must be responsible for all bad things Canadian. Clearly, one would expect a completely nonsensical country to emerge if the entire population is subjected to the electro-magnetic equivalent of going through life with 10 cell phones duct taped to their heads.

And the good news is that scientists expect the North Magnetic Pole to immigrate to Russia beginning sometime in 2004. I don't get this whole pole moving thing, but hey, they're scientists and it is on the Internet, so it must be true.

The bad news, of course, that the pole is moving to Russia and the Russians will soon experience the same magnetic assault that Canadians have long endured. Hopefully, the Russians are made of sterner stuff then Canadians; as images of nuclear-armed Russians behaving like Canadians should send chills down everyone's spine.

In the mean time, before the departure of the North Magnetic Pole, I urge all Canadian to wear tin foil hats to block all those magnetic rays and to start anticipating an era normalcy when Canada will be able to proudly stand amongst the nations of the world.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

guvnor@pigdog.org


comments powered by Disqus
 
     

 

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

Please Continue...
by Baron Earl

Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
by Flesh

Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
by El Snatcher & Ms. BunnyPenny

WE'RE STILL TOTAL LOSERS JESUS
by Mr. Bad

12-04

El Destino

What teenaged girls really wanted to ask David Cassidy

10-09

El Destino

Frank Sinatra told Donald Trump to "go fuck himself"

07-05

El Destino

Whatever happened to JenniCam's Jennifer Ringley?

05-03

El Destino

Iíve Made Millions Selling Fake Plastic Hillbilly Teeth

05-03

Baron Earl

Fyre Fest Lawsuit

05-03

Baron Earl

US Government uses drones to shoot M&Ms at endangered ferrets

05-03

Baron Earl

When will the abuse of airline passengers stop?

05-03

El Destino

Hillbilly miner turned coder wants to make Kentucky into "Silicon Holler"

03-31

El Destino

86-year-old William Shatner cast in a new romantic comedy: 'Senior Moment'

03-19

El Destino

New ransomware taunts its victims with ASCII art of Spock and Kirk

01-26

Flesh

Alex Jones is Big, Fat, And Drunk in Public.

08-01

El Destino

Amazon's secret: incest in the Kindle ad?

08-01

El Destino

Slut Walk! Sexy feminist protest, or invaders from Mars?

04-25

Daemon Agent

The Quest for the Best Cheap Beer in a Can

04-25

Eugene Leitl

Beverage science at its finest

04-16

El Destino

YouTube punishes copyright offenders with animated pirate cat

04-09

Baron Earl

Poll shows that almost half of Mississippi's Republicans think interracial marriage should be illegal

04-07

Baron Earl

Commodore64 redux - now with Linux

04-06

El Destino

George Takei demonstrates why he should be playing Spider-Man

04-01

El Destino

High school students sacrifice chickens to improve their batting average

More Quickies...