Build Date: Tue Mar 5 14:00:04 2024 UTC

Subliminal messages inserted into Muzak may not work, but they've cranked them up at a couple of local stores in my area. I walk in the door and my head starts to buzz and my skin starts to crawl. Then again, maybe that's just my reaction to American consumer culture.
-- Baron Earl

Canadia, Land of Perverts

by Mr. Bad

2000-01-11 17:56:37

Well, apparently some institute or other has finally proved what I've believed all along: Canadia is a land teeming with disgusting female perverts of every stripe and hue. Is anyone surprised by this?

That's RIGHT, folks! Apparently going to Canadia is a RISK to your SEXUAL and MENTAL well-being. Canadian pervert women in filthy raincoats ROAM the STREETS in packs! They slobber and sniffle, VOYEURIZING and SADOMASOCHIZING and FROTTAGING everyone they meet. It's horrible!

Anyone who's ever met someone from Canadia KNOWS that they are sex-crazed maniacs with little or no sense of morals or remorse. But not until this survey did we realize the extent of the CANADIAN PERVERT MENACE. They are a danger to the world, with their pervert woman army!

There have been several proposals floated to defend against Canadian pervert-ladies. One of my favorite ideas is building an ANTI-PERVERT Wall of Flame along the entire US-Canadia border. If one of those pervert gangs tried to cross onto US soil, they would be fried to a crisp!

Another, more pacifistic idea is to use humongous trebuchets to launch giganta-huge containers of PERVERT PORN over Canadia and into the Arctic Circle. This would bait the pervert hordes away from the US and into the cold frozen tundras, where they could harm no one.

However it happens, the Canadian pervert menace must be thwarted soon. According to this study, yet more Canadian perverts are born every minute, drooling and twitching in their desire to violate all of us. So read this article and write to your Congressional representative.

[Much thanks to Crackmonkey for the Canadian Pervert Lady alert.]

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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