Build Date: Thu May 1 02:40:46 2025 UTC
I realize Webvan is going to fold any second, but do you realize they are giving away FREE HAM!?!
-- Quaker State Tapioca Rupture
Canadia, Land of Perverts
2000-01-11 17:56:37
Well, apparently some institute or other has finally proved what I've believed all along: Canadia is a land teeming with disgusting female perverts of every stripe and hue. Is anyone surprised by this?
That's RIGHT, folks! Apparently going to Canadia is a RISK to your SEXUAL and MENTAL well-being. Canadian pervert women in filthy raincoats ROAM the STREETS in packs! They slobber and sniffle, VOYEURIZING and SADOMASOCHIZING and FROTTAGING everyone they meet. It's horrible!
Anyone who's ever met someone from Canadia KNOWS that they are sex-crazed maniacs with little or no sense of morals or remorse. But not until this survey did we realize the extent of the CANADIAN PERVERT MENACE. They are a danger to the world, with their pervert woman army!
There have been several proposals floated to defend against Canadian pervert-ladies. One of my favorite ideas is building an ANTI-PERVERT Wall of Flame along the entire US-Canadia border. If one of those pervert gangs tried to cross onto US soil, they would be fried to a crisp!
Another, more pacifistic idea is to use humongous trebuchets to launch giganta-huge containers of PERVERT PORN over Canadia and into the Arctic Circle. This would bait the pervert hordes away from the US and into the cold frozen tundras, where they could harm no one.
However it happens, the Canadian pervert menace must be thwarted soon. According to this study, yet more Canadian perverts are born every minute, drooling and twitching in their desire to violate all of us. So read this article and write to your Congressional representative.
[Much thanks to Crackmonkey for the Canadian Pervert Lady alert.]
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Things to Say When You're Losing a Technical Argument
Mr. Bad and Crackmonkey collaborate on a fine Mr. Bad's List. We put together ALL the TECHNOLOGY you ever need to know in order to STUMP your OPPONENT in a technical argument. Use these only when your back is against the wall -- they're definitely desperation tactics. (More...)
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)