I want to kill bugs, sir!

     
 

Dreary Canadianism Marches On
1999-12-20 03:46:12


Canadia Sucks
 
Freaks also need to be divided into two categories, the really scary freaks and the just sorta cute & cuddly freaks.
-- Lisa Scovel

 

The Vancouver Sun is currently running a list of the "Top 100 British Canadians," that "amazing array of visionaries, scoundrels, activists, artists, entrepreneurs, writers, athletes and scientists (who) built British Columbia and gave us an identity." Meanwhile, Americans located south of the Provinces read the list and breathed a hearty sigh of relief that we weren't born Canadian.

A citing of the full list would be pointless, as these people are all Canadians and nobody cares anyway. But a brief scan of the entries provides an illuminating glimpse into the uniquely Canadian psyche:

#2: Bill Reid. "Haida artist." Credited with "resurgence of Northwest Coast Indian Arts."

Keep in mind, that was #2. The Second Most Important British Columbian of the Century.

#6: Bruce Hutchinson. Journalist, author: "Made British Columbians think about what it meant to be Canadians."

Yes. BORING.

#12: Earle Brimley. Poet. "One of Canada's best-known poets."

Other "best-known Canadian poets": "I don't know," "I have no idea," and "What?"

#17: Mungo Martin. Kwakiutl carver, painter, singer, songwriter.

I loved his song, "In the Summertime," but I always thought his last name was "Jerry."

#31: Bryan Adams.

Heh.

#44: Douglas Coupland. Heh heh.

#52: Ben Ginter. Prince George brewer whose "image was on every bottle"... oh Jesus Christ, make it stop. I can't go on anymore. Read the damn list yourself. Never have I seen a larger collection of city managers and highways ministers in my life.

Bad Canadia! No crullers for you!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

zuul@pigdog.org


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