Build Date: Mon Oct 13 21:30:08 2025 UTC
Who needs a soul when you've got American Express?
-- Baron Earl
Bad Men in Orange Jumpsuits
1999-07-06 21:15:01
So, we saw these eTOY guys at a freako SRL show last year. Yeah, the one under the freeway. And I am here to say that they are MAJOR NUTCASES!
They all had BALD HEADS and orange jumpsuits that said "ETOY" on the back. Despite their general mental patient outfits, they were loved by women everywhere! "EEE TTEEEE OOOOHHH WHYYYY" cheered the beautiful women who were waiting for the giant SRL robots. Perhaps someday beautiful women will shout like that for Pigdog Journal -- could be we need to act EVEN MORE like big criminally insane freakos.
Anyways, right after that I checked out their website. It is COMPLETELY NON- LINEAR and EURO-TRASHY. I couldn't believe it! It's the Web site Dieter from Schprockets would make!
So it freaked me out that they are now the darlings of Wall Street! Everyone is talking about their fantastic IPO, where all those creeps in orange made kajillions of dollars! For their stupid Eurotrash website! What kind of justice is there in that!?!
Anyways, since etoy.com is, like, the darling of Wall Street now, you should probably go check them out. Or maybe you already have. Me, I wouldn't pay for this stock, but it could be just cause I'm jealous. I dunno.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
First in a regular series! The Pigdog Journal Spocktail of the Week features recipes for EXCITING and DELICIOUS potions and tonics for your quaffing pleasure! Gulp down a whole lot TODAY! (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)
So I was walking around the Tenderloin looking for stray twenty-dollar-bills that might have fallen into gutters, and I was thinking, as I often do, about my mother. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Body and Soul, a night of fucking in San Francisco
For the benefit of Pigdog readers, I took it upon myself to explore the deep frontiers of human behavior and attend a saucy festival of the flesh. This was no ordinary fete of carnal delights, dearie. (More...)
All this talk about death, wakes and Moloch recently has, frankly, got me a little worried. What if I'm next to go? I could slip on a wet banana peel and slam my head against an enormous brass statue at almost any time. I'm not planning well enough for this sort of thing. Who will talk for me when this terrible day comes? (More...)