Build Date: Sun Oct 19 05:40:06 2025 UTC
Fuq, okay, so I'm writing this little report while pretty goddamn drunk off of all teh shit that we drank tonight.
-- Crackmonkey
Careless Canadians Foster Virulent Gopher Strain
1999-06-28 23:52:19
It turns out that Canadians have been overusing pesticides, dumping as many and as much poison as they can on the land in a willy-nilly fashion in an attempt to beat back the gopher population. This irresponsible behavior may have created a new pesticide resistant SUPER GOPHER (AKA: ground squirrel). It's hard to decide whether this should go in the "Canadia Sucks" or the "Animal Rampage" category.
Some Canadians have speculated that the gophers have simply learned to avoid poison-laced bait, but most experts agree that gophers will eat anything, so this explanation doesn't make sense. The most likely explanation is that the Canadians have unwittingly created a species of pesticide resistant ground squirrels that will be able to roam with impunity throughout the North American continent. As with antibiotics, overuse of pesticides can cause virulent strains that are virtually unstoppable using today's prophylactic technology.
These gophers WILL NOT DIE.
Thanks a lot, Canucks.
T O P S T O R I E S
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
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