Build Date: Sat Jul 27 00:30:10 2024 UTC

Goddamn all you people to hell. Thom Stark, you stole my Dog Name.
-- Ratsnatcher

Flesh-eating squirrel injures 18

by Ersten Wiles

2022-01-13 23:21:38

Over a two day period a grey squirrel with a taste for human flesh attacked and injured 18 people in Buckley, Flintshire, Wales.

The peace of this normally tranquil town was shattered by the marauding beast, causing townspeople to stay inside behind locked and barred doors.

Corinne Reynolds, 65, had been training the squirrel since last March to approach people and expect to be fed. "All those months he's been fine, he would even come and take a nut out of my hand," Reynolds said.

After months of training, Stripe went in search of a handout from a complete stranger. After receiving no nuts, Stripe sank his sharp buck teeth into the stranger's hand.

Stripe quickly developed a taste for human meat, and went on to bite and injure 18 different people in the area over a two day period.

Reynolds realized what a monster she'd unleashed upon her town, so just like Dr. Frankenstein before her, she resolved to capture Stripe before he struck again. "I have a two-year-old grandson," she said, "If he'd been bitten on the finger, he could have lost it."

Reynolds placed a trap in the area where she normally fed Stripe peanuts. Twenty minutes later Stripe the flesh-eating squirrel was trapped in a cage.

The RSPCA took Stripe from Reynolds and, after a brief examination, the hungry squirrel was euthanized by a vet.

The nightmare was over for the people of Buckley.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

hapsburg@pigdog.org

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