Spokane, WA has been the latest victim of an ANIMAL RAMPAGE
in North America. A maddened 2,000-lb. bull, driven insane
by the torture and taunts of a rodeo crowd, threw its
rider, broke out of the ring and ran wild in the streets of
The frenzied animal charged through the streets of this tiny town, easily
out-weighing all the police cars on Spokane's puny force. Despite SHOTGUN
BLASTS from Spokane's finest, it continued running, crunching a compact car
like a Mountain Dew can in the process!
Amazingly, this out-of-control behemoth managed to escape into the woods! It
made a break for it, and then got out to freedom! As of this writing, the huge
rhinoceros-like creature is still at large, knocking over might redwoods and
gigantic boulders in its total furor of destruction.
Police have asked Spokane residents to keep an eye out for the bull. The bull
is 6'-4" tall, about 8-1/2' long, brick red with matted sweaty fur,
razor-sharp hooves, and telltale buckshot scars on its monumental ass. It will
be readily recognizable as a gigantic, hairy bovine
creature snorting huge gusts of steam out of its bloodied snout like a demon
from Hell's worst nightmare as it crushes
automobiles, backhoes, small homes, freeway overpasses, and anything else that
stands in its way.
If you DO encounter the bull, DO NOT try to confront it! Instead, play
music of unearthly beauty on your violin that will soothe and charm the savage
beast. When it is overcome with aesthetic emotions and subdued, hit it on the
head with a shovel.
This is one really angry bull, folks. We haven't had any Animal Rampage stories
on PDJ for a while -- I think the good economy has kept most of them employed
and relatively happy -- but this MAY be a sign of new rampages to come. Who
knows what kind of gentle monsters will be driven OVER THE EDGE in the next few
days -- especially having heard of this bull's successful bid for freedom?