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I would disarm the entire world, because it would be cool to see people have massive battles using only their teeth and nails. Those of us who floss regularly would soon rule the earth!
-- Mr. Bad

Naked Man Strapped to SUV

by El Destino

2000-03-03 12:05:02

A 350-pound man is tied, naked and spread-eagled, to the roof of a Ford Explorer.

It's just another commute in North Carolina.

The public nudity was intended to protest the price of gasoline. The protesters' destination was the state capitol, but "the driver got lost," the Raleigh News & Observer reported. Mothers driving children to school phoned 911, and the naked man "sent police scrambling to restore order."

The driver was charged by police with "aiding and abetting indecent exposure." And the big guy strapped to the car? John "Big Flash" Hartnett was charged with indecent exposure, disorderly conduct and "violating a city ordinance against riding on a car roof," Police Captain D.S. Overman told the Raleigh News & Observer. "Everybody's upset about higher gas prices," he observed, "but there's a better way to handle it."

But shed no tears; life goes on for these brave North Carolineans. Facing criminals charges, the radio station staffers organizing the event moved on, promoting an enchanting evening at their "Second Chance Prom" with Rick Springfield. Tickets are $40 per person plus a service charge.

This story sends many messages -- about public nudity, North Carolina, and the people who drive SUVs. And, come to think of it, about stupid radio stations. But one hundred years from now, people will shake their heads in wonder at a time when fat men couldn't ride through the streets of their own town, strapped naked to the roof of an SUV, without facing criminal charges. I think this should be an issue in the next Presidential campaign.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

hapsburg@pigdog.org

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