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-- Johnnie Royale

Call Your Senator (an Ass-Sucking Bush-Wussy)

by Mr. Bad

2003-02-26 02:56:28

So, it's another Virtual March on Something -- this time on Washington, what with the INCIPIENT BLOODBATH coming any day now. The folks at Win Without War are organizing a big-ass mass-calling-mailing-faxing dealy, and you should be part of it, if only to cause mayhem and get people pissed off at you.

So, there's a war coming. A BIG war. Which sucks ass, as most wars nowadays seem to consist of uninteresting night-vision-goggle video shots on CNN coupled with a few tens or hundreds of thousands of distant brown people squished like little bugs in the dust. Usually to little or no avail, except to justify big-ass defense spending bills in next year's federal budget.

Anyways, there are a lot of folks who don't like the idea of war. Like, say, the potential squished-bug people in Iraq. Or, for that matter, most Arabs. And most of America's allies -- either their government or their citizens. And lots and lots and lots of Americans.

Nevertheless, the Bush Administration seems to be hell-bent for leather on making war regardless of the cost and consequences -- in terms of national prestige, of leadership in the world, or (pfft) international law and human life. And our legislative representatives, ever eager to score points on easy causes like PATRIOTISM and SUPPORTING OUR TROOPS, or rip into whipping boys like TERRORISM and SADDAM HUSSEIN, have wiggled and squirmed and paved the path to evil horrorshow blastfests like oily, ass-sucking shitworms.

So anyways, it's time to stop this war. Emboldened by our CRUSHING VICTORY in the Vieques issue, I'm now ready to direct a STEADY TORRENT OF LOYAL READERS directly into the arms of the comsymp pinkos at Win Without War. These folks have set up a switchboard hotline thing, with faxes and stuff, making it REALLY EASY to give your Senator HEARTBURN over his or her GUTLESS CAPITULATION to the IDIOT WAR MACHINE.

The deal is this: you just sign up on their Web page to make a few calls during the day. Then, when they tell you, you make your calls. Since they're all coordinated and shit, the calls will be coming in ALL DAY today (Feb 26). So your call, combined with all the other SOCCER MOMS and ANTI-WAR HIPPY FREAKS in your area, this will make for a CONSTANT BARRAGE of PEACE NOISE in the ears of your elected representative. After only a few hours, they will all be ON THEIR DEATHBEDS from RIGHTEOUS ANGER RADIATION BURNS and will go on the air on nationwide TV promising to do whatever we want as long as we're not mad at them no more.

So go to it! Sign up now! If the Vieques thing is any indication, we should have this WAR CACA all wrapped up by sundown.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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