Build Date: Wed Feb 21 14:00:14 2024 UTC

I think I need to either get another nickname or drink more.
-- Liquor Pig

Ammunition in the Class War

by Dkr. Armand Geddyn

2005-02-10 18:56:03

So, you're lighting some candles (and maybe a fattie) for your niece's second birthday, when all of a sudden you are instantly transported into the last ten minutes of True Romance. Only it's way less fun, because, well, your kids are about to get a cap busted in their baby asses and you don't have Christian Slater there to be So Cool and save the day.

Such is the story of Elizabeth Sauls: mother, American, patriot, Christian, and alleged pot dealer. Holy fuck, I hate cops some times, and when they decide that it's cool to go all Elian Gonzalez on these kids over a little pot, this, dear reader, is EXACTLY is one of those times.

(Well, according to the AP, it was a lot of pot, and not just a little, BUT IT'S STILL JUST FUCKING MARIJUANA. It's not like they thought Emmanuel Goldstein I mean Osama bin Laden was hiding out in there. Holy Christfuckers.)

And please don't think I'm some raging WTO-bashing anarchist because of this opinion. I have friends who are cops, and they're cool as hell. One of them was working narcotics enforcement before he made detective, and he used to regale me with stories of stake-outs and rooftop recon and intelligence work. Just like on TV. The point, of course, it to a) make abso-fucking-lutely sure you have the right guy, and more importantly, b) avoid dangerous, unnecessary confrontations with innocent bystanders. Like, oh, kid-filled birthday parties.

I guess they do things different in Arkansas.

In covering this story, my first thought for a headline was the tried and true, "Free [Insert Victimized Citizen Name]," like this, or this, or this. But I guess there's a silver lining. These fucking po'bucker Arkansas pigs not only failed to reconnoiter the suspect's house, they are also totally in the dark about who's in their own jails. From the AP: "Sauls was arrested on drug charges but was released without bail because the jail was full."

This story has a NoFX extended single written all over it. In fact, here are the Lyrics to The Decline, whence I stole this headline. Read them, then read this story, then shoplift the CD from your local Wal-Mart, then riot. (Not that last thing, I think that's illegal to say.)

Post-script: the captain of the Stupid Brigade down in Little Rock is named Dick. Dick Friend. As in, a friend of dicks. As in, giant cock sucking thug of the state. I swear to God.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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