Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere

Okay, I admit it. I lost to temptation. I fought the law of averages and the law of averages won. I thought I could have this crazy home page and not need to put a useless list of my CD collection on it. Nope. Here 'tis. With comments. Keep in mind (if you’re even reading this far) that this list doesn't represent all my records... there’s no way in Gehenna I’m typing in all 800-plus of the vinyl I also own.

I should also get it out in the clear that my musical tastes tend toward the conservative... although if you're like this really mainstream rockin' dude reading this, you might not agree. I recognize my own faults, that's all. I like whiteboy alternative music, stuff that requires a little decoding, and I love blues, rockabilly and accessible soul and rap. I run at lightning speeds from country western belt buckle music. I am opposed to Techno. I am not pleased with Industrial. I loathe and fear Goth. Heavy metal makes me giggle. Reggae bores me silly. I am not in favor of most types of rap. Chuck D. is one of the biggest heroes on my wall, but he's an exception. I just cannot give respect to people like Eazy E. I like a lot of classical music, too, but none of it’s listed here (though I have a couple dozen CDs of that type) because of formatting problems (really long and confusing credits, for example). I useta be a punk, a long time and a whole nother life ago, but all that history is on vinyl, so not listed. Most of it is fucking thrown away anyway. But you know, that's how it goes.

Gimme Danger, Little Stranger...

Beastie Boys - Paul’s Boutique
Beastie Boys - Check Your Head
Beastie Boys - Ill Communication
Used to hate 'em (evil college memories of frat boys singing "Brass Monkey"). Now I canna get enough of 'em. Maybe my third or fourth favorite American group. Timing like a clock when I rock the hip hop

Big F, The - If
Big F, The - The Big F
These guys are really good, even if nobody's ever heard of them. They sorta sound like Soundgarden with talent.

Big Star - Live
Really laid-back radio performance from early 70s. Gots "September Gurls" onnit.

Black, Frank - Frank Black
Black, Frank - Teenager of the Year
The Master of Disaster, the Hostess with the Mostest (useta be Black Francis of the Pixies)

BoDeans - Home
It's got a big scratch that skips the first three songs, but it was free

Bongwater - Too Much Sleep
Bongwater - The Big Sell-Out
I love this band. Kramer is God. Ann Magnuson will bear my children.

Cedar Street Sluts - Songs By Working Girls
This is sorta funny - a bunch of Boston prosties recruited by GG Allin to "sing".

Church, The - Megalopolis (single)
It was free, silly

Ciccone Youth - The Whitey Album
Ah, yes. I can't listen to it, but it's "great". J. Mascis of Dinosaur Jr. plays the Cosby theme.

Clash, The - London Calling
Not holding up as well as I thought it would. Still pretty prime.

Cult, The - "Sun King" (single)
Yep, a freebie

D.O.A. - Murder
I liked them better when they played punk music

Damned - Anything
See: D.O.A.

Dixon, Don - E.E.E.
This guy produced a couple R.E.M. albums (better than Scott Litt, I hafta say). He's got a great blues growl and a wonderful wounded pride songwriting sense.

Dylan, Bob - The Gaslight Tapes
This is _really_ old stuff. Is this a bootleg? If so, I'm sorry Mr. FBI-man.
Dylan, Bob - Good As I Been To You
Oh, please. Someone take Bob out and put him down gently. Now is where I admit that I own EVERY Bob Dylan album. No apologies. No explanations.

Fall, The - Code Selfish
Fall, The - 458489 A Sides
Fall, The - The Infotainment Scan
Fall, The - Middle Class Revolt
I-uh love-uh this band-uh. Perhaps, more than life itself. "This is the Winter of your MIND!" Mark E. Smith is not my role model, or my hero, but he's like having the meanest, snottiest son of a bitch in the world on your side. I must have 15 or so more titles of theirs on vinyl. Song I can't get out of my head: "The Birmingham School of Business School," where they obviously train people to work in Department of Redundancy Departments.

fIREHOSE - "If'n"
fIREHOSE - "fROMOHIO"
Poor Mike Watt. These are both very good. But Ed Fromohio is a poor man's D. Boon.

Forgotten Rebels - Surfin' On Heroin
Better left forgotten.

Fugazi - Repeater
God, this is so fucking PUNK. Green Day prolly OWNS THEM MONEY!

Gang Green - Older...
...Budweiser. That’s the joke on the cover, anyway. Pretty funny. They used to be a real band.

Gaye, Marvin - What’s Goin On
Marvin, you the man.

GG Allin and the Jabbers - Banned in Boston
Old stuff... before he was a complete psycho.

Glass, Philip - Dancepieces
This is very repetitive. This is very repetitive. This is mostly repetitive. This is very repetitive. I like it.

House of Freaks - Monkey On a Chain Gang
Awesome band that nobody ever liked. Go figure. Two guys who sounded like 20. No bass.

Husker Du - The Living End
Yes it aggravates, and it pacifies, feel the power in the line... I don't feel it in me to write about Husker Du. That's what I said the day they broke up and that's how I still feel. It was like someone telling you that everything you knew was wrong. The music speaks for itself, I think.

Jam, The - Compact Snap
It's got fucking scratches on it. A little TOO complete if you ask me....

Jayhawks - Holywood Town Hall
Another nobody band that kicks ass. Softly, but nicely.

Jimi Hendrix Experience, The - Are You Experienced?
Jimi Hendrix Experience, The - Live at Winterland
Well, why not? Jimi is... god.

John Wesley Harding - God Made Me Do It (EP)
That voice! Those songs! What happened?

Jon Spencer Blues Explosion - orange
Tjames' Pick to Click in ‘95. Thanx to Tamara for pointing out the obvious.

King's X - Gretchen Goes to Kansas
Feh.

King Missile - The Way to Salvation
Funny. Not as good as their previous stuff, better than "Detachable Penis" fanboy era. "To walk among the pigs," indeed

Kinks, The - UK Jive
Oh just thinking about this disc bores me.

Leadbelly - Alabama Bound
Yee hah! Man, this guy was ugly. But! The Rock Island Line, it's a pretty good road.

Led Zeppelin - II
Squeeze my lemon. SQUEEZE MY LEMON, GODDAMIT! TILL THE JUICE RUNS DOWN MY DICK^H^H^H^HLEG!

Levine, Keith - Violent Opposition
Weirdo music from this guy. He was in PIL, no?

Magnapop - "Lay It Down" (single)
Saw them live w/Sugar. They did a STUNNING version of Big Star's "Thirteen" This is not nearly so good.

Mary My Hope - Suicide King (EP)
Mary My Hope - Museum
I don't know. Kinda pre-grunge grunge. It's just not that great.

Mellencamp, John - Big Daddy
I have this for two reasons: it was sent to me at no charge, and it has a secret hidden last track: "Let It All Hang Out". You know: "Let it OUT, let it ALL hang out!" I love that song! Who recorded it originally?

Morrison, Van - Moondance
Van is the man. I hope to one day rescue my vinyl album that has "T.B. Sheets" from the person (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) that stole it.

Mould, Bob - Poison Years
If I were in charge of Virgin Records, I would have had an advertising campaign that said, "Bob spelled backwards is GENIUS!" But I'm not so it didn't and it flopped. Borderline classic gets better with every listen.

Nirvana - Nevermind
Boo hoo, Kurdt is gone. Actually, despite all the hype, these guys prolly WERE the real thing....

Original Sins - The Hardest Way
Nobody you ever heard of, but I liked them. These guys rock much, much harder than you.

Pavement - Slanted and Enchanted
Pavement - "Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain"
One of those, "Everybody won't shut up about this band so I'll ignore them nyah," kinda deals, except I finally went and bought "Rain" a couple of months ago it WUZ K00L. So now they rock.

Pearl Jam - Ten
Gah. I don’t know why I bought this.
Pearl Jam - Vitalogy
Gah. I didn’t buy this. This is better than "Ten," though.

Pickett, Wilson - Wilson Pickett’s Greatest Hits
My boy Wilson can take it to the hole with authority.

Pixies - Doolittle
Pixies - Bossanova
Pixies - Trompe Le Monde
The greatest band after Husker Du but before Sugar. This is a well-known fact. Just ask on alt.music.alternative.

Porno for Pyros - Porno for Pyros
Shit. This is shit. Pretty damned peeved that the Lollapaluser crowd picked up so much on Jane's. Way back in 1986 or so, this one radio station (one!) in L.A. was playing a self-recorded album from an unsigned band that rocked my ass off... Jane's Addiction. I kept telling everybody for MONTHS to watch out, Jane's a- comin'; now I regret it. Perry Farrell is an idiot.

R.E.M. - Murmur (cassette)
R.E.M. - Reckoning (cassette)
R.E.M. - Fables of the Reconstruction
R.E.M. - Lifes Rich Pageant (vinyl)
R.E.M. - Document
R.E.M. - Green
R.E.M. - Out of Time
R.E.M. - Automatic For The People
R.E.M. - Monster
Wow, I guess I really like these guys. They're sorta the Rolling Stones of my time, I think. They've always been around. Sometimes I think they kind of suck, and then I put on "Fables" and everything, like, gets all mellow and stuff. (I'll be damned if I can sum up what they "mean" to me, though.)

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Mother’s Milk
I still think this is their best album.

Replacements - Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash (melted vinyl - hung it up on my wall for months)
Replacements - Stink (vinyl - taped it, only played the vinyl twice)
Replacements - Hootenanny (vinyl - also taped and preserved)
Replacements - Let It Be (cassette - virtually worn through)
Replacements - Shit Hits the Fans (Limited edition cassette)
Replacements - Tim (vinyl and CD)
Replacements - Pleased to Meet Me (vinyl, CD and cassette)
Replacements - Don't Tell a Soul
Replacements - All Shook Down
My alltime biggest musical heroes, the saddest story I know. I can't listen to "Don't Tell a Soul" anymore because it smells like decline, but I can slip on "All Shook Down" any time I want. Saw them four times. Roxy, Palladium, Country Club (all L.A.), Student Center (Fresno). They were really goofy the first two times and then they figured out how to play all their songs all the way through. Not better though. (Favorite concert memory: Bob spends the first three songs drinking beer in the audience. Later Tommy threatens an unruly stage diver with his bass - just this motion with his wrist that was the punkest thing I'd ever seen and still is). "Left of the Dial" is my "Stairway to Heaven." When "Pleased to Meet Me" came out, I thought for sure they were going to go big... really big. That was the end. Not the first time I've confused a seemingly upward rise with giving it one last go. Nor the last. Country Club show was free, and they all wore stupid shoes. Paul looked like a brave dork, and stood for something, maybe everything worth standing for at the time. My copy of "Sorry Ma" got melted in a car six days after I got divorced and I still haven't replaced it. Bob Stinson died five days before I wrote this.

Rolling Stones - Let It Bleed
Rolling Stones - Sticky Fingers
No apologies, no explanations
Rolling Stones - Voodoo Lounge
Fooled again! (I have this curse where I must buy every Stones album that ever comes out... I run out to the store, buy the record, come home with it and IT'S SHIT AGAIN! Ever since "Some Girls")

Sammy Davis Jr. - Greatest Hits, Vol. II
This was part of a bachelor party present I received the day before I got married. It's got "Mr. Bojangles" on it. I don't know what happened to "Vol. I", but that one had "Candy Man." My ex probably still has it.

Screaming Trees - Even If and Especially When
Screaming Trees - Uncle Anesthesia
Screaming Trees - Sweet Oblivion
Really good Seattle (originally Everett, Wash) band that predated grunge and still exists, I think. Prolly never be stars because they don’t come off good on singles, although "Bed of Roses" was superdoubleplusgood. Got all their other albums on vinyl. Tip: buy "Invisible Lantern" and go up to the woods by yourself and listen to it while you drink beer by a fire. Spooky.

Second Self - Mood Ring
Wow, another good band nobody ever heard of.

Sinatra, Frank - The Very Good Years
Sinatra, Frank - I’ve Got a Crush On You
Like I need to tell you anything about Frank.

Sly and Robbie - Silent Assassin
So, there’s these really hotshit reggae guys, see? Session players... they’re on EVERYBODY’s "A" list for the longest time. And then some fool tells them, TAKE A MILLION DOLLARS AND GO MAKE A REALLY STUPID, BORING ALBUM. So they did, see?

Sly and the Family Stone - There’s a Riot Going On
The second most depressing album I've ever heard. ("Berlin" by Lou Reed is #1, where it will stay until Cobain comes back from the grave to record "Songs I Could Have Sang If I Hadn’t A Offed Myself"). Not to say it isn't brilliant - it is - but it's definitely not party music. Some guy in Rolling Stone mag said about this album, "Sly sings throughout like he's stoned... and it isn't a pleasant buzz, either." Don't call me nigger, whitey.

Smashing Pumpkins - Gish
Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream
"Gish" is a 3/4 erect. "Dream" is semi-flaccid. Both are very bloated with star ego crap. But kinda cool, in the way that people like Madonna and Oliver Stone are also cool. Which is to say, I listen to them a lot when I don't want to think about what the music means. Pure candy, probably unhealthy.

Smithereens - Blow Up
Oh man, this sounds just like all their other albums, except not as good. We are now dealing with the law of diminishing returns. And this was like three years ago. Wonder how Pat DeNizio spells relief?

Springsteen, Bruce - Tunnel of Love
I useta really like the boy. But he got so damn giddy here, and on his next two albums, and then there's the fact that he fired the E Street Band... fired CLARENCE! My god, what was he THINKING?

Sugar - Copper Blue
Sugar - "Helpless" (EP)
Sugar - "A Good Idea" (EP)
Sugar - "If I Can’t Change Your Mind" (EP)
Sugar - Beaster
Sugar - File Under: Easy Listening
Sugar - "Your Favorite Thing" (EP)
Sugar - "Believe What You’re Saying" (EP)
Sugar - "Gee Angel" (EP)
My current Favorite Band in the World. They'll never be the Huskers, so what? See them live: I've seen Bob three times now (+ saw Husker Du twice), never failed to satisfy. Bob Mould is the hardest working man in rock and roll. Literally: You can see him losing pounds onstage. "FU:EL" was mildly disappointing, but still better than 95% of the everything else, if not godhead. The "Gee Angel" EP, which contains three live tracks from First Avenue in Minneapolis, is godhead. I have other Sugar things I could mention but they don't officially exist so I’m not gonna 'cuz I don’t wanna.

Sweaty Nipples - Sweaty Nipples (EP)
Good band. Now where did I get this?

Sweet, Matthew - Altered Beast
I was skeptical, too, but Bobby Hodad talked me into it when we were at Streelight in San Jose. It was worth the four bucks I paid for it. (PS - someone email Bobby and tell him I namedropped him).

Talking Heads - "Naked"
Um, I dunno. I really liked this when it first came out. But I don't think I've listened to it in two years, maybe three. I think I'll put it on right now and get back to you. No, I've decided not. I remembered it as being better, but think I was drunk.

Teenage Fanclub - Bandwagonesque
Mediocresque. Bought at the same time as Matthew Sweet because I had once read a review that compared and contrasted them. Mr. Sweet wins on points.

The Iowa Compilation - Volume III
Some crazy thing I got when I was a DJ for KFSR in Fresno. Iowa bands, like it says. The Dangtrippers are on there and they're pretty cool. But, Volume THREE?!?

The Miss Alans - Blusher
Fresno band I used to know from school. They misspelled "Blunder," but that's probably not gonna help.

The Stone Roses - The Stone Roses
Ooh, like rave music. Ick.

Traffic - Mr. Fantasy
Hate me, but I like 'em. I dare ya, hate me. Okay, go ahead, hate me.

Traveling Wilburys - Vol. 1
Sigh.

U2 - War
U2 - Rattle and Hum
U2 - Achtung Baby
U2 - Zooropa
Man, they used to be really great, huh?

Voivod - Nothingface
Utterly worthless except for a great cover of Floyd's "Astronomy Domine". And I don't even LIKE Floyd.

Waits, Tom - Swordfishtrombones
Yeah. Heh. Talk to me. "Chili in a bowl... "

Westerberg, Paul - 14 Songs
...and only one annoys me, leaving 13 perfectly good toons. Perfect, that is, except that they aren't worthy of the Paul Westerberg that used to sing in the Replacements. I like it though, and I play it. And the more I play it the more I like it and I find that sorta creepy.

Who, The - Kids Are Alright Soundtrack
Only Who CD I have. Good enough selection. Ask me about the Who sometime. I'll write you a novella.

Winter Hours - Winter Hours
I guess I went through this sort of dumb country rock phase. I guess that phase ended quite a long time ago.

Young, Neil - Harvest
Young, Neil - After the Gold Rush
Young, Neil - Harvest Moon
Neil is up. Neil is down. Long live Crazy Horse!

Zappa, Frank - FZ 25
I never really liked Zappa, but then he died, and I said, "Hmm, maybe I would like him if I listened to more of his stuff." So I dragged this freebie out of storage. Now I'm trying to figure out why other people like him. (I'm not being sarcastic - I really don't understand the appeal and I've never heard a good explanation of why I should give a damn. In fact, no Z