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Bad People

The repository for Bad People of the Future.

Pigdog Journal Articles


Dangerous Drone Do's and Don'ts
You hear about reckless drone pilots all the time. But this one takes recklessness to a whole new level. -- El Destino


Free Paris!
Yeah, so Paris got out of jail free, and I for one hope she stays out. Cause I got no time for the haters. I celebrate Paris Hilton. -- Siduri


The Chicken Man Votes, Do You?
On every street in America, there is a man like the Chicken Man. How will he be voting this election? -- LiquorPig


Bush Lied
Really. He did. Bush lied. It is really that simple. And this wasn’t some little white lie about a blow job in the Oval Office. This whopper has cost America 500+ lives, a couple of hundred billion dollars, massive loss of trust from our friends and allies and there is no end in sight. -- JRoyale


Spreading the word one frothy and consensual ass at a time.
Rick Santorum (Penn-R) is an asshole's asshole. The upper santorum crust (see below) of the homo-hating right-wing über conservatives that don't believe that Americans have a right to privacy or the right to fuck anyone that is willing to be fucked in whatever orifice they choose. And fuck that—what two (umm, or more) people do in their bedroom is up to them and Santorum should just pretend that they are in there reading the Bible together. -- JRoyale


The Devil Is In The Detail
This cautionary tale of dyslexic satanists and Klingon-speaking demon-dweebs just might save your worthless, unpopular Goth ass. But you didn't listen to us when we told you to lose the black nailpolish, so why start now. -- Lenny Tuberose


Is that uranium in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
After much fanfare and hype this weekend over a container with 33 pounds of "weapons-grade uranium" found in Turkey, we now know two things: When measuring the weight of a substance, you should SUBTRACT the weight of its 32.7 pound LEAD CONTAINER, and before announcing that you have "weapons-grade uranium", you should make sure that what you have is actually uranium, and not ZINC, MANGANESE, IRON, and ZIRCONIUM. -- Baron Earl


County Politico Fingers Helpful Hax0r, Sysadmin in Wireless Breach
Stephen Puffer, aka the not-so-notorious "Dr SuSE," was indicted by a federal grand jury on two counts of hacking a county district clerk's new wireless network. However, the real story may be one of petty office politics, personal vendettas, and chronic paranoia. -- Dkr. Armand Geddyn


Goths vs. Dieters in the Streets of Montréal
Fucking hell. It's like the mind-bending last-war apocalypse in "The Prophecy" movies or something. I dunno what I'm gonna do here. I'm trapped in the street between Goths and Dieters and fucken Christopher Walken is going to bite off my head like a radish. I should just give up and get washed away in the tide of blood. -- Mr. Bad


A Girl's Best Friend
It certainly is tough to be a white supremacist these days, as one Hayden Brent McKenzie recently found out. Stuck in a 5 week alcohol and drug rehab program, McKenzie received numerous letters from "his girl" extolling the virtues of her new hobby - dog sex. An act I think Hitler would have disapproved of. -- JRoyale


My Only Regret
I'm here to talk to you about regrets. You know, those things you wish for the rest of your life that you did or did not do. The things that create Sour Grapes. The things you KNOW would've turned out perfectly the way you wanted them to, but you justify your choices by imagining that not making them would've ruined your life as you know it. I'm lucky. I have only one regret. And it haunts my dreams on a regular basis. Now that I am in love with that show The Osbournes, it's getting worse. -- Miss Conduct


Deep Throat's Last Sigh
The woman who helped legitimize porn is gone. Linda Lovelace died from massive trauma and internal injuries suffered after an April 3 automobile accident. Her ex-husband/best friend, Larry Marchiano, and their two adult children were at Denver Health Medical Center when she was taken off life support yesterday. She was 53. -- Miss Conduct


You Say Potato, I Say Skank
HAHAHAHA... I love this country sometimes. The Court of Appeals ruled yesterday that it isn't slander to call someone a skank on the radio. -- JRoyale


Bizarro Olympic Hijiacking Arrest
The important bit isn't that this guy performed an act of extreme hijacking, by going to the bathroom 5 minutes later than the federal law allows. The important bit isn't that he faces up to 20 years in prison. The important thing is that he's BIZARRO! -- Miles Standish


Let Elvis Come Inside Of You
It's pronounced El-vii, there are 6 of them: Love Me Tender Elvis, GI Joe Elvis, 60's Rockin Elvis, Charro, 70's Come-Back Elvis, and the poor old Over The Edge Died In The Loo Elvis. But now there is another Elvis. Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Extreme Elvis. I've only felt this way once before while watching what appeared to be Snuff Films with a cute bartender giving me the eye. It was a combination of wanting to hurl and being turned on at the same time. -- Miss Conduct


Leisure Suit Osama
Osama bin Laden in Western clothes? That's only the first step. -- El Destino


My Loser-Fu is Unstoppable!
Kaiser denied me health insurance. Bring on the cascading bummers! -- The Compulsive Splicer


Porking bin Laden
It in move of what most rational people would consider very poor PR, the leaders of the terrorist organization that everybody loves to hate, Al-Qaida, announced today that the bodies of any American troops it captures will be dragged through the streets of Kabul. -- JRoyale


Vegas hosts $60 million loser -- plus four hijackers
Stopping occassionally for hot dogs, Australlia's richest man dumped $60 million in a Vegas casino last week. -- El Destino


WTC Plume Visible from Space
It was one thing hearing that the astronauts on the Space Station could see the smoke plume from yesterday's attack on the World Trade Center. It's another to see the photos. -- The Compulsive Splicer


Great News for Fag-bashers!
Boy, Congress thinks of everything! They added this great section to the recent big-socks education reform bill that protects against discrimination. Specifically, they protect fagbashers from discrimination! Yay! This way, you can have your own anti-homosexual group and be guaranteed your rights! -- Miles Standish


San Francisco: A Tale of Two Office Markets
Noodling thoughts on SF Real Estate from Mr. Bad. -- Mr. Bad

You read it right, folks -- it's a dot-com to help folks who are the blood cells in the mass hemorrhaging of the Internet economy. Beaujolais, I just got fired! -- Mr. Bad


VoteSwap2000 Ordered Off the Net by Cal. State Sec
Bill Jones, the California State Secretary ordered Los Angles based VoteSwap2000 to shut down or face massive legal action. Not having a huge corporate legal department and fearful of the wrath of the State, the owners of VoteSwap2000 have complied with the order. -- JRoyale


Boring Gore Nearly Talks Boy to Death
Earlier today, during a stump speak in Grand Rapids, Iowa, Al Gore nearly talked a 10 year boy, Blake Riffel, to death. -- JRoyale


Australian Head Smuggling: No End in Sight!
After repeated cover-ups by the Australian government, and many vows to stop such acts, Australian head smugglers are finding new and ingenious ways to continue their devious acts. -- El Jefe


The Man With The Golden Tongue
In Montana, a Florida man pleaded guilty posing as a gynecological doctor. As Pigdog readers know, this isn't too out of the ordinary. In one instance, a man operated his "practice" out of the bathroom of a local fast-food joint. This one, however, is quite different. -- Flesh


She Just Doesn't Understand
A 21 year old Georgia woman married a 14 year old boy five weeks after giving birth to the boy's child. According to Georgia law, it's perfectly legal for them to get married, despite the boy's age, because they're parents. However, also according to Georgia law, it was illegal for them to have sex prior to wedlock, so now the woman is in jail. -- Baron Earl


I don't wanna know how this turns out
This guy has three "dream girls" that say that they'll have sex with him if his website gets enough hits. -- The Compulsive Splicer


Woman Who Framed Jim Goad is Behind Bars- For Assault
In a fateful, but not totally unexpected twist of events, Ann "Sky" Ryan has been jailed for assault. -- Flesh


Ragboy, Ragboy, Wutchyagonna Do?
So, this dude robs a bank yesterday two blocks from my office in broad daylight and walks out with some worth of loot. There's choppers all over the place and more pork than a N. Carolina barbeque. And guess what? They don't find him. -- Ragboy


The Sordid World of Underground Origami
For most people, the word "origami" conjures up images of paper boxes, cranes, and squirrels. This is because most people have not met Zack Brown, the archivist mastermind behind the largest collection of obscene origami on the Net. Brown's page shows you how to fold simple pieces of paper into shapes that could get your hands cut off in most oppressive American States! -- Crackmonkey


Shootout at the Cyberbuss Corral
Reverend CyberSatan of the Cyberbuss KREW gives Pigdog Journal the SCOOP on the haps at Saturday's Cyberbuss Costume Ball. Beaujolais! Bad cops and badder guests sparred with countering and feinting and parrying and all that rot! It was the best failed event of the season. -- Reverend CyberSatan


GAR - More Bad People of the Past
This is so Bad People of the Past it just makes me sick to my stomach. Like this country/world doesn't have enough problems without dumbasses like these running around loose. -- JRoyale


Earth Days Were the Worst Days - Now We Drink Champagne When We're Thirs-tay
So, if anything in the world exemplifies the complete cooption of the environmental movement by nicey-nice milquetoasts and corporate stooges, it has got to be Earth Day. Blargh! Earth Day is the stupidest thing ever! FUCK Earth Day with a big sharp stick, is what I say. -- Mr. Bad


Hackin' in the Bad Way
So normally you say "hacker" I say "Coolio." I consider myself pretty pro-hacker. Hackers do a lot of neat stuff like annoying big business and keeping information free... blah blah blah. But I think my kinda hackers may want to do a little PR voodoo to make sure they are not confused with the other kinda "hacker." -- Negative Nancy


I Use A Word That Don't Mean Nothing, Like "Loopid"
Hey hey hey! It's almost April 1, which means only one thing in this big crazy town: The Saint Stupid's Parade! Beaujolais for crazy stupid people! -- Mr. Bad


John Rocker Gets a Standing Ovation
This morning, before heading into work, I was watching Mornings on 2, a local TV news program. I was trying to get a traffic update before heading out onto the Bay Area's freeway system. While I'm watching, the TV talking heads report that John Rocker received a standing ovation when he returned to the pitching mound last night in Florida. What's more, NO ONE on the news team can figure out WHY. -- Baron Earl


Oh God Make It Stop!!
Please! The pain! Oh no no! Not The Positive Press! I can't stand it, I'm just not strong enough! Ahh!! It's all around me- stories of "human strength, kindness, ingenuity and perseverance," inspirational messages and essays! essays! and-- oh it's so horrific! **Warning: sensitive people and those with weak hearts should not read any further.** -- Negative Nancy


Hacker Chic
Man, it's all about the CRAZY HACKER CLOTHES! Wear lots of them, and then hack things real hard! Hack hack hack! -- Mr. Bad


Tobacco Industry Sues Other Tobacco Industry
I think no one would have bothered having a Civil War if they knew that a hundred and fifty years ago, the main cash crop of the South would be massive civil liability. Actually, I'm just babbling. -- Miles Standish


R.U. Sirius May Not Be Getting It, But Joe Gardiner Certainly Is
People often ask "What type of material do you read when you aren't online?" It would be really easy to mention anything found in the literature section of the local bookstore or by obscure authors like Kenneth Patchen. But why bother? It's boring, and you'll get that same answer from hundreds of other people. Rather than that, wouldn't you rather read about something you won't find Barnes and Noble? -- Flesh


More Dumb Criminals
You just got to wonder how these people feed themselves as they must use what few brain cells they have maintaining respiration. -- JRoyale


Everyone's a Critic
Two filmmakers in their mid-twenties have been arrested for filming a horror spoof of the Columbine High School shootings. The Ringwood, N.J. men where busted 5 months after using real, but legally obtained and unloaded, guns in when they shot their film Duck! The Carbine High Massacre on the grounds of E.G. Hewitt School during last summer vacation. -- Negative Nancy


Steal Ben Stein's Money!
Jeeze, a lot of people these days are real selfish with their money. But not Ben Stein. Almost everyday he goes on TV and gives everyday people just like you and me a chance to take home some of his money. That's why it makes me so mad when some people aren't willing to play by the rules. They could have gone on Comedy Central and gotten a chance to get Ben Steins money fair and square. But noooooo, they had hold him up in his garage with a hand gun! -- Negative Nancy


Tibetan Karmapa Defects!
So, this kid is 14 years old and he's like trekking across mountain wasteland, all wounded and fucked up, sneaking past Chinese troops. Maybe he almost fell into a deadly trap with a femme fatale with a heart of poison. I don't know. The point is, he's way cooler and more revolutionary than the Beastie Boys. -- Miles Standish


World's Most Evil People in Entire World
I know that in this Season of Sharing and Caring I should not call somebody "The World's Most Evil People in the Entire World," but I can't help it, because they really are. It's just the TRUTH, and TRUTH has no season! -- Mr. Bad


The Return of God's Comic
Bill Hicks is back from the grave, well rested, and he's going to eat Dennis Leary's thieving heart right in front of him. Well, not really. But he has been restored, and Leary will be quietly weeping when he realizes he's about to be exposed for the unoriginal parasitic vampire that he is. -- Flesh


One of the more popular sites on the Internet deals with tube-topped women (or their boyfriends) attempting to flash the camera that takes a picture of the horrified looks of people as they begin the descent to the final leg of Splash Mountain at Disneyland. Occasionally, a photo will make it past the ever-vigilant eyes of the photo operator, or some sneaky employee will smuggle a still out. At first, this is kinda cool. But now it's moved from boring (everyone is doing it, on anything with a camera) to downright creepy. There must be something else that people can do, right? -- Flesh


Keeping it in The Family
A few years ago, a bizarre movie called 'Spanking the Monkey' was released onto an unsuspecting and stunned movie-going public. It's a Pigdog favorite. If you haven't seen it the plot deals with a son's incestuous relationship with his mother. Guess what kids? The events really happened. -- Flesh


FUCK the Elvis Stamp
Man, these guys at the Elvis Stamp site are PISSING ME OFF. They are HORRIBLE and do not honor even the BASE LEVEL STANDARD of Internet link exchange decency. I hereby DENOUNCE the Elvis Stamp! -- Mr. Bad


FBI Plans for Armageddon
The Feds have made a list,
they're checking it twice,
you'd best believe
they know who's naughty and nice.
is coming
to town! -- Baron Earl


2 Year Sentence For Columbine Threat Vs. 4 Months For Murder
17 year old Columbine student was arrested for making threats near the 6 month anniversary of the big shooting. He's now facing 2 years in jail. Meanwhile, this other guy gets FOUR MONTHS for KILLING his wife. Not THREATENING to kill his wife-- shooting her and then leaving the house and then COMING back to finish her off when he realized he had more bullets. He finally managed to kill her while she was on the phone with a 911 operator. -- Negative Nancy


Hell House Scares the Fuck Out of Kids Yet Again
So you've probably heard of Hell House before-- crazy Assembly of God "haunted house" that shows the horrors and absolutely inevitable consequences of sins. It's kinda like "Reefer Madness" but with adultery, homosexuality, abortion, and, now, taking out your classmates. But it also kinda reminds me of all those old Republican politicians who had to watch hours and hours of nasty, bad, dirty pornography -- all in the name of decency. -- Negative Nancy


Y2K! Child Sex Scam! On The Internet!
Another crazy bad story featuring all your favorites: Y2K, booze, the internet, video games, sex predators, and DNA samples. This really really bad man in Ontario lured local boys into his apartment by telling them that his underground bunker was the only place safe from TEOTWAWKI... and he needed to take DNA "samples" from them (ugghgh...). -- Negative Nancy


LOSCON, or, Travels with Rick Moen
Crackmonkey travels to an LA SF convention and does unspeakable acts of cruelty to goths and Mac freaks. Rick Moen heavily featured. -- Crackmonkey


Knicker Nicker Nicked
Nadarajah the knicker nicker was nabbed by North London police for plundering panties-- aghh! enough of that! Bleck. This guy was busted once last year with like $50,000 (ok, it was pounds, not dollars, but I can't make that crazy L thing, so just imagine it was dollars) of undies. This time he's being sent to a shrink after the cops found 11 bags of underware in his appartment. -- Negative Nancy


Good Morning America!
Well it's only taken 5 months for someone from the sorta-mainstream media to figure out that the Columbine High duo weren't part of the Trench Coat Mafia, Goths, Gay, killing paticular kids 'cause they believed in God, or cause they were Black. -- Negative Nancy


My First Prostitute
I can't even decide where to start there are so many bad things going on with this article... it's a first person story of one wussy vice cops first time entrapping big bad mean prostitutes. Woe is he... -- Negative Nancy


Ya gotta hand it to him
I'm all for body modifications. I have tattoos and even a few Germs burns, if you must know. However, there are a few individuals out there that take this to an extreme. They'll tattoo their whole bodies, or spend years having complex scarification or piercing done. Cool by me. But there comes a time when the line in the sand must be drawn and anyone who wants to step over it should be locked up in the deepest booby hatch that can be dug. And for me, that line is elective self-amputation. -- Flesh


They're out to get you!
Every now and then, you'll see them on some side walk corner. Member(s) of some group or organization with beliefs so out there, that you wonder out loud how many days it's been since they last took their medication. Beliefs like the CIA used telephones to control our minds, the Pope is a heroin kingpin, and so on. But what's really strange, is that some people give them money. And what do these nut do with the cash? Why they get internet access! -- Flesh


Frosted Flakes Freak Out
Jeeze, these guys watch to much TV! This guy comes home to find his cousin had eatten all the yummy, vitamin-packed sugar-frosted flakes (now part of a complete breakfast). The cereal-swiping cousin picked up a large kitchen knife to defend himself and the poor, hungry cousin ran up stairs to get his SKS assault rifle.... -- Negative Nancy


How Many Bleedin' Gorillas Do You Need?
Well, it's British, it's mostly incomprehensible, it takes the piss out of poor people, fat people, ugly people, minorities and politicians of all stripes, and it's the funniest thing on the web, now that the Onion's gone and changed their name to GettingIt, fired all their good writers and devoted exclusive coverage to the sport of wrestling. Whoops. -- Tjames Madison


Will That Be Coffee, Tea or Prozac, Sir?
So, the news media is all up wound up right now about "air rage," it seems. Apparently, airline passengers everywhere are just getting fed up with high prices and bad service and people are just going BAD CRAZY on plane flights all over the world! -- Tjames Madison


Alabama -- Atlanta, What's the Difference?
Nope, this is a different shooting. This time it's in Alabama, not Atlanta, and we have a former employee, not a former client, and three victims, not 12. The shootings took place at 7:00 a.m. this morning and police caught their suspect almost immediatly. -- Negative Nancy


Western Civillization, Meet Mr. Flushing Toilet
I consider myself a very open minded person. What two or more consenting adults want to do is their own business. And what a person chooses to fantasize about -- hey it's not hurting anyone, right? However, this not only crosses the line, it's 400 miles into the land of sickening, stomach-churning bad taste. -- Flesh


Honey, this mutton tastes funny
Ewe. This is grody to the max! This San Diego guy not only fucked three sheep, he fucked two of them to death! Jezze, maybe he should be fucking cows or hippos or something instead... -- Negative Nancy


Pigdog Welcomes Mark Barton to Club Charles Whitman
Just two days shy of the University of Texas Tower massacre anniversary, Atlanta Georgia's Mark Barton submitted his application for the most elite club in the world. -- Flesh


Hijacker Just Wanted to Fly Plane
This story has something for everyone! There's knife-wielding hijackers! There's terror at 20,000 feet! There's Pokemon! There's the influence of evil video games!! It's great! -- Negative Nancy


It's a Scary Baby Conspiracy, Baby
Now this is the way to do a "Look at the scary, ugly people" site. Besides, we all know that babies are kind of weird and creepy. It's true. You wouldn't want to kiss one if you weren't related to it, and they create frightening noises and smells. -- Tjames Madison


God's Movie Critic Gives Thumbs Down to Underwear
This guy is crazy. Not in a good way, either. Crazy in "stop sniffing my buttocks, Mr. Marv Albert" sort of way. These are Christian Movie Reviews, more or less, and nothing in the cinema makes Thomas A. Carder angrier than house fires and adult underwear. -- Tjames Madison


Bad Men in Orange Jumpsuits
So, we saw these eTOY guys at a freako SRL show last year. Yeah, the one under the freeway. And I am here to say that they are MAJOR NUTCASES! -- Mr. Bad


Lies and Trickery Used To Catch Bad Guys
That'll teach you to dodge jury duty and then try to better yourself! Police in Boston set up this crazy fake job fair to "lure" bad guys (bad guys being those charged with everything from home invasion and aggravated assault to welfare fraud and dodging jury duty) into the Bayside Exposition Center, where cops were waiting to arrest them like fish in a barrel. -- Negative Nancy


13-year-old Swindles New York!
HA ha! This crazy Honduran boy had everybody thinking his life was SOOOO REALLY HORRIBLE! When, in fact, it was only just kinda really horrible, now everybody wants him to give back his rollerblades and ice cream. Gee Wiz, those crazy third-world kids! What'll they think of next? -- Negative Nancy


The Dangers of Underestimating Mexican Serial Killers
With blatently racist overtones, Kentucky's fatbelly police are warning people not to take suspected serial killer Rafael Resendez-Ramirez for granted. "Just because he's Mexican don't mean he don't know nothin'," said Sgt. Mark Benard. "As shocking as it may seem, some Mexicans are pretty clever." -- La Aterciopelada


Join the Junior Carrot Patrol!
Bad People of the Future look up! Your action hero is here! -- The Compulsive Splicer


Pat Robertson is Completely Insane!
That Pat Robertson, he always has something wacky to say! Now he's gone and pissed off a whole country, instead of just an unpopular minority. -- Tjames Madison


The Clones of Guelph
An excellent memoir by longtime pigdogger Sylvia Maxwell, detailing her life in Guelph amidst the clones. Serious, strange, funny, and ABSOLUTELY TRUE. -- Sylvia Maxwell


And They Got Away With It!
So these two chicks knew some guy who was, like, in jail 'cause he beat up this other chick. They decided to get jobs as strippers at the "Cheetah Club" to make some money so they could post bail for this guy. But then things got a little weird... -- Negative Nancy


Wanna be a Bad Person?
So you wanna be a Bad Person of the Future? Well, we can't make you shift your time frame, but you do have a special opportunity to make yourself BAD. That's right. -- The Compulsive Splicer


Serial Killer Atlas
Just because you're not in high school anymore doesn't mean you can't live a life of fear and terror. Just check out the Serial Killer Atlas, and, if you're lucky, you'll see a nice big red "confirmed" dot over your home town. You can then click on the dot to read about the horrific things that have gone on right in your backyard! Or maybe you'll be really lucky and there is currently a suspected or unconfirmed serial killer still at large!! It's a Fnord-O-Rama of "sexual sadists" "child predators" and just plain Bad People! -- Negative Nancy


Oh The Humanity! Oh For A Little Perspective
"25 STUDENTS DEAD IN SCHOOL SHOOTING!" scream the headlines. "THIS IS THE BIGGEST TRAGEDY OUR NATIONS SCHOOLS HAVE EVER KNOWN!" screams the media. And both are wrong. -- Negative Nancy


Trenchcoat Mafia, II: KMFDM
Speaking of stupid mass-media fnords, it's turned up today that those bad kids in Little Town, CO -- the focus of every PTA member's lip-quivering fears and anxieties -- had a few albums by a German band known as KMFDM. Now the big news outlets are trumpeting that KMFDM had some kind of Nazi influence on these little creeps. But it's just a big load of King Bullshit! -- Flesh


Gothic Teen Media Makeover
We've been mulling over the "goth" aspects of the Denver shootings all day, and it's been obvious to us from the beginning that the shooters were not goths but instead were some kind of psychotic neo-NAZI rejects. It's amazing how CNN/CBS/ABC/NBC/XXX wont do even RUDIMENTARY investigative journalism anymore, or even basic fact checking, and how they only focus on a few sensational details of a story... in this case erroneous details. -- El Snatcher


Rock For Life
There are some bad people out there, and I don't mean bad in a good way, who think their band will sell more records if it's featured on a web page with a picture of a fetus jamming on guitar. -- The Compulsive Splicer


Female Sexual Pleasure Outlawed in Alabama
Those crazy fundamentalist freaks have fucked one too many cousin! In a bill past late last year, Alabama lawfuckers outlawed strip clubs and "items to enhance sex" such as vibrators and even some condoms. The ACLU is suing their slimy backwoods asses for invasion of privacy. They also noticed that Viagra is perfectly legal and paid for by most health insure and that virtually all of the "items" in question are used by (or on) women. Seeing as how, for some women, foreplay is a not an optional part of the sexual situation (in fact some women _only_ get off with a little help from modern technology) this seems more than a little unfair. -- Negative Nancy


Falwell Spouts More BULLSHIT
According to The Rev. Jerry Falwell, the Antichrist is probably alive today and is a male Jew. -- Flesh


Proof that it's going to take a heap of hillbilly ingenuity to find a good home in the post-apocalyptic/Y2K infowarfare age we're all being flung into. Not content with a mere Mobile home, here's a fella who took a 727 and turned it into a right comfy home dwellin'. Complete with in-depth drawings illustrating the difficulties of getting the damn thing down First Avenue and much more. -- Patient Joab


The Grass Is Always Greener
Lenny Tuberose, master of the macabre, spins a tale about the end of the world and other bad things. -- Lenny Tuberose


Lucas isn't God
...declares CNN movie reviewer Paul Tartara in a scathing OP-Ed in which he states that the Star Wars zealots have no right to bitch that now non-deity Lucas is going only make six of the planned nine movies in the series. The article is sure to inflame the wrath of the Faithful Followers of Han and Luke and Leia, already reeling from the news that the series is now half over. -- JRoyale


Fly With Us Because We Hate You
The BBC reports protesting flight attendants may adopt a radical measure to increase pressure on management. Their new tactic? They'll stop smiling at passengers for one hour each flight. -- El Destino


Absent check apparently triggers attack
Talk about a Y2K preview! ONE guy doesn't get his disability check on time and he gets himself a butcher knife and takes out two Alabama Social Security Administration employees who are trying to explain to him why it's late. -- Negative Nancy


Looky There! A Shack on Wheels!
Doug Kelley is a cruel, twisted man with no respect for the hard-working, god-fearing, mobile-home-inhabiting folks of Mississippi. And for that we salute him. Doug has been kind enough to travel around scenic sites such as Columbus, Mississippi's trailer parks, taking photos and critiquing the creme de la creme of trailer house architecture and landscaping. -- Negative Nancy


Muppets Claim Another Victim
You'll never see them running down the street armed with sawed off shotguns. Nor will you see them in a darkened alley holding a bloody knife (though I bet you would). But beware the Muppets. Their methods are far subtler, and they have a long victim list to prove it. -- Flesh


Blond Bimbo Rapists
Yes, men can be raped, it happens all the time... (see The latest female serial-rapists are the "VIAGRA RAPE SQUAD," a London band of blond bimbos who lure unsuspecting men up to hotel rooms, pump them full of Viagra and have their way with them while guzzling vodka straight from the bottle! -- El Snatcher


Bad Kid Deletes Resume!
Kent Dahlgren II's resume has been taken off-line! It looks like the URL has really been making the rounds. It appeared in today's _Need To Know_ (, so maybe he was getting too many hits and that's why he pulled it. Luckily, we managed to grab a copy of it out of a browser cache. So now you can peruse the official Pigdog archived copy! PIGDOG CANNOT BE STOPPED! -- El Snatcher


2000-Year-Old Vampire Enters Plea
The latest vampire to be caught in San Francisco is now worming his way through the legal system. How many times in the last 2000 years has he been tried an convicted? Can we really take these legal antics seriously? Of course, his plea is "not guilty." The legal system can't get tough on vampires because it doesn't acknowledge that they exit! -- El Snatcher


Used Condom In McDonald's Chicken Bun
It's happened AGAIN... A disgusting foreign object has been found in a value meal. As if McDonald's food wasn't blecherous enough to begin with, a Wisconsin woman recently bit into a McDonald's Chicken Bun sandwich, and almost choked to death on a used condom! -- El Snatcher


Hire This Bad Kid Now!
OBJECTIVE: Find a job where the people I work with aren't all against me. Also, I'd like to find a job where the boss doesn't pick on me. I'm thinking of someday being my own boss. I want to make a lot of money. I need some creative space so I can make things. I want to have the extra time to enjoy the things I'm interested in, like partying and seeing some bands....I am very handy with a hammer, but I think my calling is in sales or customer relations. I'm a people person. I spent a week with my step dad in Arizona and he taught me how to weld. I've become very interested lately in pyrotechnics. Maybe a job starting fires would be cool. Hey, I'm flexible. I just need a goddammed job. If I don't get a job soon, I'll be forced to take up that offer that recruiter from the ARMY gave me.... -- El Snatcher


Horsey Serial Killer Strikes Again
True, animals can be dangerous, but people tend to like horses for some reason. We've managed to domesticate most of the violent urges out of equines. Some people even marry horses now (crazy but true). That's why it's hard to understand violence against them. In one of our most vicious hillbilly states, Arkansas, lurks a serial killer of horses. Authorities have been tracking him for some time. In the middle of the night, some time last weekend, 10 horses were stabbed and slashed for no good reason at all... -- El Snatcher


New fiction by the King of Explicit Evisceration Stories, Lenny Tuberose. -- Lenny Tuberose


New fiction by the King of Explicit Evisceration Stories, Lenny Tuberose. -- Lenny Tuberose


Gruesome Pig Mutilations in Palo Alto!
Someone at Stanford is practicing unnecessary heart bypass surgery and his patients are turning up dead in campus dumpsters. According to police, if he's caught, he would face only misdemeanor littering charges for leaving corpses on campus. Why? Because his patient-slash-victims are PIGS! Best part of the story is this quote from Police Lt. Bandy: "We want to let people know that this is not a place to leave your dead pigs." -- Negative Nancy


I'm Dreaming of a Green and White Christmas
Some would-be smart guys who filled a bunch of Santa dolls and tree ornaments with coke and grass got busted in Rio today. These are apparently the same schmucks who laced chocolate Easter eggs with cocaine last April. I feel real sorry for the Groundhogs come February... -- Negative Nancy


Knippen En Wippen
That translates to "cutting and boinking" according to REUTERS. Dutch hairdressers (that's the cutting) and prostitutes (that's the boinking) are "plying their trades" for an AIDS fund raiser in Goes, Netherlands. Amazingly Reuters manages to report the story without ever actually using the words "prostitute" or "hooker." -- Negative Nancy


Harvey Keitel is a Fucker!
Harvey Keitel is crazy! And kind of a gross dirtbag, too. Check out this Method-acting horror story on! -- Cookie


The Phoney 15-year-old Prostitute
Salon's doing a story on how the "Sally Jesse Raphael Show" is facing a lawsuit for hundreds of millions of dollars for allegedly "recruiting" a 15-year-old runaway to pose as a prostitute. -- El Destino


Yuppie Pig Tries To Buy Barbie on Internet
Look at this fiend who's offering $10,000 to anyone who will get him a bride. She must have the following attributes: "very attractive, brunette or blonde. 24-34, 5'4"-6', 110-135 lbs." AKA: Skinny with big tits. He'll give money to someone who's pimping a woman out, but not to the woman herself... -- Cookie


Vampires are killing our homeless people!
Dear Police, Media: Thanks for telling us that we had an evil vampire slasher stalking the streets of San Francisco, slitting the throats of homeless people, drinking their blood, and painting occult symbols around the crime scene. Are there any OTHER slashers we should know about still out there? Would you bother to tell us? -- El Snatcher


Mayor McHat McCreamed
Wille "four thousand dollar suit" Brown, San Francisco's outspoken ... mainly cause he out speaks everyone ... Mayor gets nailed with three cream pies. While it couldn't have happened to a "nicer" guy, there are some of us here at Pigdog that think Da Mayor probably arranged to be the target of so called attack simply for the publicity. -- JRoyale


Micro$oft - AntiChrist of High-tech
Micro$oft tops CNN list of high-tech Sinners - the FTC poster boy for out-of-control monopolies - picks up the dubious distinction of heading CNN Hall of Shame for 1998. Micro$oft not only lost points for being an 800-pound gorilla trying to become a 1600-pound gorilla, but also for releasing software whenever the hell they felt like it that was strewn with gaping security holes and laced with bugs. You just got to believe the M$ marketing folks are running around Redmond wondering just what in the fuck they gotta do to get some good press these days. Netscape, on the otherhand, is CNN's golden boy. Check it out. -- JRoyale


Micro$oft Exposed
Ok, we admit it... we hate Micro$oft... with the passion of thousand exploding supernovas. That relentless march to a single OS controlled by the Boys in Redmond. Designed with but only one thing in mind - to line Bill Gates pockets with even more money - consumers be damned. But now M$ is running scared because of that the champion of Freeware - Linux. -- JRoyale


Newt Scoots
Republican Bad Boy and Speaker of the House, Newt 'the Grinch' Gringrich, announced he will be resigning from office shortly. A man who is a far better critic and obstructionist then a leader or a visionary. A whinny little hypocritical bastard that enjoyed berating and moralizing to people, only to get busted with his hand in the cookie jar himself. -- JRoyale


Hey Poe my Bro, Where You Wanna Go?
OK, maybe I'm the only person in the world who's never seen this, but fucking hilarious! The Telebubbies qualify as horrible, horrible people! El Snatcher and Master Squid think they are Communists or something, but I think they're just _CRAZY_ and bad. Make your own decision by checking out the copyright-violation-skirting Telebubbies page. Heh heh heh! -- Mr. Bad


Ninja in San Francisco Deflects Sheriff's Bullets!
The San Francisco Chronicle reports that when SF Sheriff's deputies tried to evict a man in SF yesterday, they were greeted at the door with a sword-wielding ninja! In San Francisco cop tradition, they started firing first, but the ninja was wearing body armor, and the bullets did no harm. The dark assassin then ran out into the street, where he was gunned down by more deputies. They found tons of bows and blades in the guy's home. Crazy NINJAS!!! -- Mr. Bad


Check Out These 24-Inch Pythons!!!!!!
The End Times are upon us. If you had any doubt, foolish mortal, consider this: the Governor of the State of Minnesota is Jesse "The Body" Ventura, former professional wrestler. Apparently his first act as Governor-elect has been to challenge Governor Tommy Thompson of Wisconsin to a "No-holds-barred grudge match of the century!" According to "The Body", "You've been talking big lately, Tommy Thompson. A little TOO big. But I'm gonna show you what being governor is all about. Check out these 24-inch pythons!!! Grrr!! Grrr!!! Watch it, Tommy Thompson, you're messing with 'The Body'!!!! Grrrr!!!" Anyways, go checkout Jesse's Web site and see if you can take on The Body in a grudge match from hell. -- Mr. Bad


Johnny R. And Snatcher go CRAZY!!!
El Snatcher and Johnny are too stupid to stop drinking at 6:00 AM... Full Details later... -- El Snatcher


Leonardo DiCaprio Exposed Is A Freemason!
What the fuck would we ever do with out the Internet? This kind of important stuff never makes it onto MSNBC, CNN, and whatnot. Several key scenes in the movie Total Eclipse, starring Leonardo DiCaprio, are actually depictions of special masonic rituals that Leonardo DiCaprio performed in real life upon turning 21, and being initiated as a Master Mason of the first three degrees!!! Coincidence Theorists might have been safe ruling these scenes all a big coincidence if a German television network hadn't captured DiCaprio on tape admitting to being a Freemason. -- El Snatcher


Ninjas Being Lynched In Jakarta
The UK's Independent has been doing lots of articles on the NINJA PROBLEM IN JAKARTA lately. Apparently, Indonesian police are rounding up mentally ill people in eastern Java to stop them from being lynched by mobs, who believe them to be the mysterious killers known as ninjas. Up to 160 people have died at the hands of the latter, and a growing vigilante backlash is claiming more lives!!! Don't believe this is real? Follow the link and read the story. -- El Snatcher

Offsite links shared by staff writers




Evidence of Hootchie -- Baron Earl


Things You Don't See Everyday
A picture IS worth a thousand words. -- Miss Conduct




History of Michael Jackson's face
From black man to white woman. -- Miss Conduct





Ray Charles on Ice
This is wrong on so many levels & in so many ways... -- Flesh


Switch to Whaaa? -- Baron Earl



2001-11-19 -- JRoyale



Hear no evil... -- Baron Earl




Doll Surgery -- Baron Earl




Truth in Advertising -- Baron Earl



Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce
Daniel P. Musson admitted Tuesday that he sprayed oven cleaner on two Whoppers and spit on another in the Burger King where he worked. -- Baron Earl



Freemasonry Watch. -- Baron Earl


I don't know if this one is true or not...
The real, honest-to-God, low-down story of the Rocket Car. No spam, no Darwin, just the truth. Or so it seems. Either way, it's a hell of a good read. -- Mr. Bad




If you LOVE Unicorns -- Ms.BunnyPenny


Cintra Wilson Is a Bad Ass
I adore you Cintra! I will do whatever you want. I am sending 10 million dollars American to buy many copies of your book so you will love me. (P.S. Where are the nekkid Cintra pitchers?) -- Mr. Bad


DOJ Dos and Don'ts for Kids
Hey kids! Don't be bad on the Internet! Learn how to be a good little brain-dead consumer like Mom and Dad. -- Mr. Bad


Karaoke Shakespeare!!
Retarded Brits Introduce: Karaoke Shakespeare!! -- Ms.BunnyPenny







Michelle Gienow -- Hillbilly Hyperphotographer
Coolio photographs from Miss Paranoia herself! She's cool, SMRL sympathizer and Pigdogtress extraordinaire. Check out her snaps. -- Mr. Bad





Lewinsky Rolls Her SUV
Monica Lewinsky rolls SUV while trying to get something outta her purse. -- Negative Nancy




Well, Fuck me Sideways! They DO have a Web site!
Well, gooooooollly! They DO have a Web page for the Mystery Spot! (Note: this site best viewed by tilting your head kinda sideways) -- Mr. Bad


Woman Goes Crazy For Tomatoes! -- Negative Nancy


Amish Cokeheads Busted!! -- Negative Nancy




Know Your Mullet!! -- La Aterciopelada




Dead People Server! -- Ms.BunnyPenny







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