Orgasm Day
2001-11-25 15:37:33

Would You Like Fetish With That?
Your life is at the crossroads of pleasant ennui and sheer terror.
-- Mr. Bad


Orgasm Day is officially May 9, according to a new law passed by the city council of Brazil. Why? To fight the scourge of premature ejaculation.

How would you like to live in a town where the city councilman stands up and tells his sad story of premature ejaculation? A former girlfriend had been "very hot," the councilman explained in a news story on But "she took such a time to reach the orgasm that I couldn't wait for her!"

"Are there any questions?" you can almost imagine him saying.

The councilman's response to his premature ejaculation was to write a new law declaring Orgasm Day. First there was a poll of his constituency asking whether orgasms were achieved every time they had sex. And when 28% of the women said no, it was clear that the City Council had to act!

The Orgasm Day legislation soon fell afoul of some Brazillian gridlock, since the mayor was opposed to the anti-premature ejaculation measure, but Orgasm Day lobbyists prevailed.

And then they all lit a cigarette. Bwa ha ha ha ha.

There's still no word on what kind of float they're going to use for the Orgasm Day parade through the city streets.

But I'm picturing an entire stadium doing an X-rated variation on "the wave"

Okay, look, I tried to be serious about this, but it all sounds like something Terry Gilliam would write. Especially since the name of the town is Esperantina. I can almost hear the narration now.....

"Once upon in a time, in the far away kingdom of Esperatina, there was a very beautiful woman. And a very frustrated City Councilman."

"And an evil, orgasm-hating mayor..."

Maybe they should just call it "How the Grinch stole Orgasm Day."

The whole movie could even be in Esperanto, and star William Shatner.

Okay, you can start making up your own jokes from here on out, but I'd like to get serious for a moment and just share some holiday sentiments. So at this special time of the year -- here's wishing you and yours a very merry Orgasm Day.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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