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Fake Nipples For Sale
2000-09-03 01:09:31

Would You Like Fetish With That?
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
-- For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway


Twenty dollar plastic nipples are being sold through a web page in Minnesota. BodyPerks(TM) simulate nipple erections under a woman's clothes. "Now guys have a new pick up line," one surfer posted on the site. 'Are you wearing BodyPerks, or are you just happy to see me?'"

The nipple commoditization begins with sleek web design showcasing simple pitches. "Men love nipples..." one page begins. "Whether you're out on the town or playing volleyball, bodyperks(TM) comfortably stay in place and give you the added attraction of playful, fun breasts." The slick marketing copy culminates with comments from actual users ("The first time I wore them, my friends thought I lost weight, cut my hair or somehow looked different...") -- plus unfiltered comments on the site's bulletin board. "Is it wrong that my brother keeps stealing them?"

Somewhere beyond the rhetorical arguments (Empowerment? Exploitation?) is a Minnesota business-woman with a point-shaped dream. In the acknowledgments section of the "dare to wear" page, the web-mistress who concoted the enterprise pays homage to all the people behind her nipples. She thanks over two dozen people, including someone named Todd "The Shooter" -- plus "Bill, Bob and K.C. for their love of nipples."

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.


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