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Ultimate Shit 'N Slide

by Baron Earl

2021-06-13 23:14:34

NBC's production of the Ultimate Slip 'N Slide TV show had to be shut down this week after approximately 40 crew and cast members fell violently ill with "awful explosive diarrhea."

The show, which is based around the classic Slip 'N Slide toy made by Wham-O, is your basic summertime T&A show where you can see lots of good-looking people in skimpy bathing suits sliding around and on top of one another on wet plastic sheets. There's likely some sort of competition to do... something? Doesn't matter, it's young people with almost nothing on getting wet, that's why you're expected to tune in.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, someone brought an uninvited guest along named Giardia, a tiny parasite that can be found in water contaminated with poop.

Giardia causes giardiasis, an illness with symptoms including explosive diarrhea, gassy wet-sounding farts, painful stomach cramps, upset stomach, and foul-smelling, greasy poop that tends to float.

20011-08 przystanek woodstock 0 29

The main way that people get giardiasis is by swallowing Giardia germs. Giardia spreads easily. According to the CDC, the most common way people get sick is by swallowing contaminated drinking water or recreational water, for example, lakes, rivers, pools, or sliding around on a wet rubber sheet with someone who didn't wipe very well.

2009 Przystanek Woodstock DSCF3313

Crew members recount harrowing tales of some people collapsing on set and others running for the port-a-potties. Although no photos from the set were available, we imagine that it may have looked a lot like the Woodstock-themed Pol'and'Rock Festival in Poland, pictured here.

Woodstock 2013 mud love

NBC planned to air the show starting August 8, following the closing ceremonies of the Tokyo Olympics. Since they had to shut down the set before shooting had been completed the premiere may be delayed or the show may cancelled altogether.

If Ultimate Slip 'N Slide is released, the audience will be both enthralled and revolted: getting a dose of T&A and then a sharp slap back to reality every time they see a contestant get a mouthful of ass water, knowing what's in store for that slider they were rooting for.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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