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Harvey Keitel's Life in Danger, Say Experts
1999-06-11 13:50:19

Weird Science
When putting someone into a killfile, one should do it without hesitation, and without bringing attention to the fact. Killfiling someone and telling them beforehand is on par with running around with your fingers in your ears while screaming LALALALALALA
-- Poindexter Fortran


According to a new study conducted by researchers at the University of Maryland, people who tend toward bouts of extreme anger, like actor Harvey Keitel, put themselves at risk of high blood pressure or even heart damage.

Researcher Aron Siegman says that such manic fits can cause Harvey Keitel to literally "blow his top" -- his blood pressure could cook up to a 100 points above normal within seconds, and Keitel could easily rupture an artery wall in the same way that a child pops a balloon with a sewing needle.

Siegman explains the process thus: Every time Harvey Keitel has an angry outburst, his blood pressure "revs" his heart, in the same way flooring the gas pedal of a car for a brief period revs the engine. In repeating this cycle of anger and calming down over years or even decades, Keitel is also releasing hormones with each episode that tighten his arteries and hike his blood pressure. In time, researchers believe, Harvey Keitel's artery walls will simply wear out like a tissue paper-thin old garden hose. If and when this happens, Harvey Keitel will have to be immediately rushed to an emergency room where a cardiologist can replace his worn-out heart with a new one, or else the result could easily be fatal.

Also, Siegman says, it makes no difference for his prospects if Harvey Keitel takes out his frustration and anger by hitting a pillow with his fist, or perhaps knocking around one of those Bozo punching bags. Such anger exercises contribute to the overall wearing down of Harvey Keitel's arteries in the same manner as any other anger episodes, Siegman explained. What Harvey Keitel needs, he said, is a serious effort at managing his anger, perhaps through the services of a trained psychologist. Paul Hauck, a Rock Island, IL, psychologist, says that Keitel can be successfully treated, perhaps by reassuring him that he will be just as manly if he were quiter and not as prone to sudden outbursts.

Harvey Keitel ... "can be very, very tough as a quiet man," said Hauck.

Harvey Keitel could not be reached for comment.

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