O'Reilly Auto's Site Now Sells Parts For Time Machines
2017-03-11 16:38:52

Weird Science
I have enough hard alcohol in the house right now to get 5th SS Panzer Division tanked or the entire Senate (including those young cute female pages that Strom and Kennedy like) ripped. But I guess I can always use some more.
-- Johnnie Royale


I was browsing through the auto parts at OReillyAuto.com, when I stumbled across a listing for a flux capacitor. "Plutonium is required to properly operate," warns its description. It also adds that plutonium is "not Available at O'Reilly Auto Parts."

"Please contact your local supplier."

But, okay, once you've got the plutonium, you're apparently ready to venture back to the 1950s, forward to 2015, or even back to the 19th century. "Once the time machine travels at 88 mph (142 km/h), light coming from the flux capacitor pulses faster," explains the OReilly Auto web site, "until it becomes a steady stream of light. Then, time travel begins."

Yes, this sounds like the plot of the Back to the Future movies -- especially when the page warns that to properly function, the flux capacitor also requires "the stainless steel body of the 81-83 DeLorean DMC-12."

I still wanted to buy one -- but apparently, they're out of stock.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.


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