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He Is Smart And You Suck
2002-04-04 11:19:32

Weird Science
Lithium and Depakote and Neurontin work better. But I'll admit, drinking is more fun.
-- Joe


Gianni Golfera has been captured by Italian scientists and is being studied so that the secret to his genetic mind superpowers can be harnessed. Okay, except for the part about capturing.

I am assuming that, since you are a Pigdog reader, you consider yourself pretty fucking smart. So I can only assume that you can't help being intimidated and a little pissed off by the "That's Incredible" style geniuses. Well, Gianna Golfera is like that, and so is his father. And his grandfather. They're eidetic.

If you don't know what eidetic is, that's okay. Go look it up.

So, other than Lou Salome, all of my heroes from history were eidetic. Teddy Roosevelt. Matteo Ricci. Those folks. Generally, how eidetic memory works is that memories get associated with images, places, or emotional ideals. Roman orators had special techniques to memorize long speeches, and the tradition was carried on into the Renaissance, where specialists would learn to construct their "House of Memory" in which thoughts are converted to images and places throughout an imaginary house. The thoughts are organized and corrolated with more easily-remembered images.

Theoretically, you could learn it too.

But Gianni's whole paternal line are doing it, and Italian scientists believe it's genetic. So they're studying Gianni, and hoping to find out which proteins are governing it.

Which means that the next batch of kids will all have perfect memories. They will call you and me stupid. And, you know, they'll be right.

So let's all go kick this kid's ass now, while we still can!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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