Build Date: Sat Aug 8 07:00:53 2026 UTC
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
-- W.C. Fields
Coming to a Theater Near You
2003-03-14 17:10:59
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year.
What can I say? It's a brilliant idea whose time has finally come. How many of us instinctively click the mute button before that bom-shika-bom-ing ruins the effect of our favorite 69 scene? The answer, of course, is: you, you, you and you (and me). Well No More, I say! The PornOrchestra is here to transform it all with their radical reinterpretations of the pornographic film soundtrack. The equivalent of a circus band, the PornOrchestra (warmed up by a keg of Budweiser) will be performing live originally composed scores to pornographic films using the most eclectic and creative classical music minds working in the Bay Area today.
In the same vein as the silent film experience, muted porn films are projected onto a big screen behind the accompanying orchestra. The instruments will be doing the talking. Mariemont suggests, "Instruments are expressive enough to create nonhuman vocals and dialogue." Some of these films appeared one day in Mariemont's mailbox with little handwritten notes attached. Of these uninvited (though not unwelcome) treasures, Mariemont selected works by Dean Mermell and Jacques Boyreau from Storyfarm. The films are described as, "interesting, recycled 70's porn invested with Mondrian embellishments and a torn down, funky, impressionist/cubist sensibility...hard to describe, yet important." "It's the 'hard to describe' part that really piqued my interest," states Mariemont.
If you desire a tease and thrill, are aching for the perfect First Date destination or you're yearning for an alternative to the 75th Annual Academy Awards (I assure you that none of these films have been nominated), check out the PornOrchestra's two "Rilly Big Shews" next weekend at:
21 Grand
Saturday and Sunday, March 22 and 23, 2003
8 pm | sliding scale $6-$10
449B 23rd Street
Oakland, California
(No children under 17 permitted)
Mention that you came for "The Rilly Big Shew" and win a fabulous free "pornorchestra.com" gold foil truck-stop sticker.
Like a little foreplay? Then give a listen to kalx 90.7 fm tomorrow, Saturday, March 15, 2003 from 5:30-6:30 pm.
Fret not, if you miss these opportunities you can shoot your wad at:
Parkway Theater
Thursday, June 12, 2003
9 pm | $8
1834 Park Boulevard
Oakland, California
(Ages 21 and over)
Mariemont's original scores are not recorded and many will be improvised, so I recommend coming again and again.
P.S. To find out YOUR porn name, go here OR simply combine the name of your first pet with the name of the first street you ever lived on (for example, I'm Kitty Elwood and my mom is Fluffy Moraga).
T O P S T O R I E S
John Dvorak has passed. I’m of mixed emotions. First off I’m more positive about his contribution to the overall technology journalism of the early PC days through the 90s, despite how many things he got wrong. He was a firebrand and commanded attention. (More...)
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
On a hot spring night after dinner and before the night's serious drinking begins, a Romulan Highball really hits the spot. (More...)
It was Friday night at the Casa de Baron and everything was in place -- a group of friends had assembled, people were setting things on fire in the backyard, and a Ferry Corsten double-live CD was playing on the stereo. Everything was in place to make further scientific advances in beverage research and leisure technology. (More...)
Experimenter is a film released in 2015 starring Peter Sarsgaard. It tells the story of Dr. Stanley Milgram's life, including the infamous Milgram electric shock experiment, tests on crowds, and his work developing a theory on the mechanics of social networks. It currently streams on Netflix. (More...)
Australian Troops Set for Days of Debauchery to the Tunes of Kylie Minogue
This weekend Australian troops in East Timor will be able to put their feet up and push all the images of mass graves and charred remains from their minds as they relax to the giddy melodies of Kylie Minogue - including exclusive unplugged performances in the militia-ravaged and blood-spattered border towns of Balibo and Suai. (More...)
