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I want my invisible jet, just like Wonder Woman. Does that make me gay?
-- Dag

UK Government Wants Me DEAD!

by Paul Vortex

2002-08-01 11:48:26

Today it emerged that those DUMB BASTARDS in UK Parliament made another Blunder of Big Proportions! They went and bought the wrong vaccine for small pox!

The plan was to purchase enough small pox vaccine to inject into the pulsing veins of everyone in the "United Kingdom," as a preemptive strike against any ideas those evil Terrorist folks might have.

The problem is though, that the UK Government have purchased massive amounts of vaccine for the strain of small pox known as "Lister" when, in fact, Scientists believe that Terrorists are much more likely to use a entirely different strain of the disease in any planned attacks.

I just know that this is a ploy by the Government to make me dead. They are trying this stuff all the time! I don't know why they go to all this trouble making elaborate plans instead of just sending a guy round to shoot me in the fucking face.

Anyway... Now that the Terrorists know for certain what strain of small pox not to unleash on the people of the UK, and the US Government is laughing at us, I am seriously considering a Hiatus in The Solomon Islands until the air has cleared! To be honest, I know how those Fucknuts in Parliament House feel... I bought the wrong printer cartridge the other day -- the bastards use ambiguous labelling!

I don't know why we do this to myself!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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