Build Date: Wed Dec 10 23:40:17 2025 UTC
Killfiles are lame. They're like bestiality, man -- if you absolutely must indulge, for God's sake, don't make a big fucking public deal about it.
-- Mr. Bad
UK Government Wants Me DEAD!
2002-08-01 11:48:26
Today it emerged that those DUMB BASTARDS in UK Parliament made another Blunder of Big Proportions! They went and bought the wrong vaccine for small pox!
The plan was to purchase enough small pox vaccine to inject into the pulsing veins of everyone in the "United Kingdom," as a preemptive strike against any ideas those evil Terrorist folks might have.
The problem is though, that the UK Government have purchased massive amounts of vaccine for the strain of small pox known as "Lister" when, in fact, Scientists believe that Terrorists are much more likely to use a entirely different strain of the disease in any planned attacks.
I just know that this is a ploy by the Government to make me dead. They are trying this stuff all the time! I don't know why they go to all this trouble making elaborate plans instead of just sending a guy round to shoot me in the fucking face.
Anyway... Now that the Terrorists know for certain what strain of small pox not to unleash on the people of the UK, and the US Government is laughing at us, I am seriously considering a Hiatus in The Solomon Islands until the air has cleared! To be honest, I know how those Fucknuts in Parliament House feel... I bought the wrong printer cartridge the other day -- the bastards use ambiguous labelling!
I don't know why we do this to myself!
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Yet another delicious SPOCKTAIL from the SMRL Beverage Science Labs! Check under the cap for your chance to win thousands of fabulous prizes! (More...)
The Cross Canadian Ragweed Red Dirt Roundup
Went to one of the only really enjoyable outdoor concerts I can remember (maybe I didn't enjoy it enough). The finest in dirty hillbilly music: The Cross Canadian Ragweed Red Dirt Roundup. For those ignorants, Cross Canadian Ragweed is a horrendous allergan in Texas, and it's also a band. In a great show of humility, CCR was the worst major act in their line up. Fortunately, they have talented friends. (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
Another Spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL: Home of The Deathwave Bar & Grill! (More...)
Still Up For the Party? America's Dance Floors Are Graying
Raving over 30 doesn't have to be embarassing anymore. (More...)
