Build Date: Tue Jun 2 01:30:08 2026 UTC
Got tight last night on absinthe. Did knife tricks.
-- Ernest Hemingway
Metallica To Fans- Fuck You!
2000-04-14 15:33:42
It should come as no surprise to anyone. But in case you haven't heard the news, former Heavy Metal ass-kickers and current sellout kings, Metallica is suing Napster.
Ever since their so-called Black Album, Metallica has been going down faster than a DC 10. Every year, they've found a brand new way to sell out, and losing more of their fan base that have been following them from the very beginning. With the release of their last literally music-made-for-elevators album, S&M, I knew I wasn't alone in proclaiming that Metallica was no longer a Heavy Metal band, but just another pile of rust to be tossed on the slagheap.
What I did not expect was their willing demonstration to show the world just how much more they were willing to sellout. They are trying to destroy the very tools that made them the Metal Gods they once were.
When Metallica first started out, Heavy Metal was dominated by spandex-sporting' lipstick-wearing, big haired girlyboy bands like Ratt, Cinderella, Poison, and so on. The only way that Metallica gained it's notoriety, was through fans trading tapes with each other. And while the band didn't make a cent, their reputation spread like wildfire. Now, decades later, Metallica wants to stomp the very tools out of existence that not only would keep better bands from being heard, but would give fans a chance to hear how bad they really are now, without having to plunk down an obscene amount of cash.
My prediction: Metallica will continue to operate under the illusion that their music kicks ass, and that no matter how corporate they get, true metal fans will still like them. They will tour with The Backstreet Boys, and sue and sue any fans caught singing their old material for "wanton vandalism of our artistic endeavors".
Don't think it won't happen? Just wait.

T O P S T O R I E S
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Australian Troops Set for Days of Debauchery to the Tunes of Kylie Minogue
This weekend Australian troops in East Timor will be able to put their feet up and push all the images of mass graves and charred remains from their minds as they relax to the giddy melodies of Kylie Minogue - including exclusive unplugged performances in the militia-ravaged and blood-spattered border towns of Balibo and Suai. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
Pigdog brings you SETI astronomer Seth Shostak to bring you the truth about Ay-leens (More...)
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)
A Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Liquor
Curled up cozy with a good book? All warm and snuggly and thinking about friends far away? So am I, reading the greatest story by the greatest writer -- when he suddenly starts waxing philosophical about liquor! (More...)