Hey, Maybe Matt McConaughey Isn't So Bad After All
1999-10-27 12:34:29

Substance Recreation
I wish you were a Pez dispenser so I could eat candy out of your neck.
-- Gar's Sister


Jeezus peezus! Crazy-ass Matt McConaughey is BUSTED in TEXAS! Which is a shitty place to get busted, let me tell you! Mother fuck!

I gotta say that I have NEWFOUND RESPECT for Matt McConaughey. Beaujolais to him! He was arrested after a disturbance in his home where he was found DANCING NAKED and PLAYING THE BONGOS! Go, Matty, go!

I've never really liked this guy, but everyone must admit that this is a KICKASS way to fly! Most losers like Robert Downey Jr. flit in and out of Betty Ford and whine a lot in exclusive Hollywood clubs where a Bombay Sapphire martini costs $17. But Matt McConaughey smokes big DOPE in his AUSTIN HOME and dances like a BURNING MAN FREAK. Folks, I think I LIKE THIS GUY.

Of course, the media coverage is pretty cruel -- they make a point of noting that Matty was in "Dazed and Confused," which was of course a STONER MOVIE about STONERS and stuff with lots of DRUGS. They didn't point out that he was in "Lone Star," of course, because that's a COP MOVIE with lots of COPS doing stuff like TAKING BRIBES and KILLING MEXICANS. That's not something the AP stringers in Austin like to talk about. Much better to see the funny stoner dance. Look at the funny stoner!

I think this whole incident begs the question: is Matt McConaughey the next Woody Harrelson? I hope so, because Woody's starting to look a little ragged around the edges if you ask me. In any event, I encourage everyone of the cannabian persuasion to ROAST a BIG FAT BONGLOAD tonight for Matt McConaughey, Stoner Celebrity of the Week!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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