We're not like the others.  We really hate you.

     
 

Dry spells no more!
1999-10-04 13:31:10


Substance Recreation
 
I applaud the coming apocalypse.
-- Mr. Bad

 

We've all had those times where a certain substance is needed for one reason or another, but none can be found. Now, thanks to The Internet and some very enterprising entrepreneurs in a European country, all dry spells are a thing of the past!

The High Shop, located in the Netherlands, will mail to your doorstep any of the products contained in their online catalog, at a very reasonable price. Not only that, but they'll even send you free samples! Sure, there are a couple of minor catches (AdultID check, etc) but for the service they are providing to the world, it's worth it.

Followup:

A concerned Pigdog reader writes to us:

Not that I have "Adult Check" or anything, but isn't The High Shop(ppe?) the place that sells "herbal intoxicants" of a entirely non-cannibus, non-illegal, and non-functional nature?

I could be wrong on this, but I'd hate to see PigDog Journal be sucked by rip-off artists.

 

We here in Spock Mountain Research Labs can understand your concern. In the particular political climate that we are forced to live in, anything that's fun and/or intoxicating is either outlawed or highly regulated.

But what we have found through our studies is that there are many other ways that one can obtain a state of intoxication without the aid of well-known recreational substances. For example: you can take a trip down to The Mission, and purchase an ounce of Betel nut for a couple of bucks from an Indian grocery shop on Valencia. There are also substances such as Yage, Nutmeg, Calamus Root, Jimson Weed, and enough others to fill an entire book. Our crack chemical team is devoted to exploring all of these, and sharing with you the results.

In this particular case, yes, those substances that they do ship to the United States comply with the codes and legalities of the United States- but that does not mean this is a con. If you are in doubt, there are a few things you can do:

  1. Take advantage of their free sample. If it proves to be ineffective or has any dubious strings attached to it, let us know and we will dispatch our crack team of eliminators who occupy a remote corner of a forgotten Eastern European country to deal with them.
  2. Do your own research and let us know of new and/or wild substances that should be brought to our attention. We will be more than happy to dispatch these with the highest priority to our staff, who will then feed them to our endless stock of runaways to replicate any results you may have had.
  3. Grow or manufacture your own. Not only will this be both profitable to your mind and well being, but you will find that the quality is always known and it will be far less of a con job than, say, attending a renaissance fair.

Thanks for writing.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

furry@pigdog.org


comments powered by Disqus
 
     

 

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

GNUisance
by El Snatcher, Mr. Bad

Eavesdropping on Geeks: 'Star Trek: Discovery' vs 'The Orville'
by Thom 'Starky' Stark, Lenny Tuberose, 'Tricky' Rick Moen, Destino

Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
by El Snatcher & Ms. BunnyPenny

Solex vs. the Pigdog
by The Compulsive Splicer

03-06

Poindexter Fortran

University of California special collections: now with more Hunter S. Thompson

02-15

Baron Earl

Amazing hand-stitched scenes from DUNE

01-17

Baron Earl

Contributions to Top Dark Money Spenders

01-11

Baron Earl

CES claims dildo is not a robot

01-11

Baron Earl

Rep. Steve King wonders how the phrase "white supremacist" became "offensive"

09-29

El Destino

Zeitgeist's Legendary 'Tamale Lady' Dies Just Weeks Before Opening Her Long-Awaited Restaurant

02-23

Baron Earl

Cliff Burton Day in Castro Valley

02-23

El Destino

When Spock met PLATO

12-28

El Destino

A musical reminder: Don't Say GIF

12-22

El Destino

Devo's one and only Christmas song

More Quickies...