Build Date: Thu Nov 6 22:30:50 2025 UTC
Wow! Cool. You're writing from the future. Is there still beer?
-- Miss Conduct
Won't Get Fooled Again
2000-07-24 19:07:31
Hey, so, ever been burned buying drugs? I haven't, of course, but that's because Mr. Bad gets high on life. You kids should too. Say Ugh to Drugs and Nope to Dope and all that shit. This has been a public service announcement.
OK, but let's say that you DID buy drugs, like as a hypothetical situation and shit. I've yet to find a shrink-wrapped pack of E that had nutritional information on the side and a 1-800 customer service line. Drug prohibition makes it quite easy for you or I (umm... I mean, YOU. As I mentioned before, Mr. Bad gets high on life) to get seriously fucked by unscrupulous dealers who give us bunk for our bank.
Now, wouldn't it be cool if there were a way to check that the drugs you're buying are at least the drugs you THINK you're buying? Like, I mean, a BETTER way than just putting them in your brain and monitoring what happens? ("Hmmm... bleeding from the ears... shortness of breath... heart fibrillation... catastrophic brain damage... coma... something tells me that pill wasn't what I thought it was.")
I totally think so. That's why I dig the new wave of portable drug testing kits that are starting to come out. I haven't seen any for anything but Ecstasy and speed, but that's probably OK for now. Like, I expecially enjoy the fancy EZTest kits, since they not only come in coolio R4V3R colors and stuff, but they also are EZ. Get it?
But after I started writing this article, I realized that you can also get testing kits from DanceSafe. And DanceSafe is so cool, I just gots to point you there instead. Go buy lots of testing kits! Take them to parties or to synagogue or whatever! Give them to friends as Christmas gifts! Beaujolais!
T O P S T O R I E S
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Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
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Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
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Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
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The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Naked Australian Redhead -- Missing!
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The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
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Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
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Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Another Spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL: Home of The Deathwave Bar & Grill! (More...)
