Legal Loophole Means Legal Hallucinogens
2000-01-07 15:59:57

Substance Recreation
Kids! Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous. Do not attempt it in your home.
-- Neil Gaiman


Salvia Divinorum is something I read about in Details magazine, because the cover had some sort of cheesecake picture on it, then something like "Legal Drugs," and I'm a young male wannabe. Anyway, that's what it is. It's apparently like psilocybin mushrooms, but only lasts a short while, and then you just feel sort of stoned.

It's called "The Sage's Root" or something. It comes from Mexico.

Unlike most drugs that the legislature hasn't bothered to illegalize, it can't be classified as a lookalike drug, because it's not chemically similar to any controlled substance. So you can just like go to a catalog and buy a plant of it. And smoke it. Or shoot it up. Or whatever you sick fucks do.

I urge all of you young people, wondering what to do with your lives, to go into two fields: ethnobotany and molecular chemistry. Then, join together in harmony, and go explore all kinds of traditional drugs that Congress hasn't heard of, analyze them to make sure they're legal, and start selling! SELL DRUGS, KIDS! USE YOUR WICKED SCIENCE TO STAY ONE STEP AHEAD OF SMOKEY! YAHOO!

I mean, do these things only to the extent that they're totally legal, which they are.

And put up BIG BILLBOARDS on the freeway that say things like, "Salvia Divinorum: Use it as a recreational hallucinogen," and "Sage's Root: It's not just for getting all fucked up anymore. Okay, it is."

Oh, the URL below also has the HOTTEST PEPPER in the WORLD. It makes habanero peppers look like... uh... yogurt. They've got all kinds of heap strong statistics to prove it.

Right about now...

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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