Build Date: Fri Nov 7 01:10:06 2025 UTC
You don't need to try and get on my bad side, you're already there.
-- Johnny Royale
Swedish Man Names His Rabbit After Spock
1999-03-01 20:30:00
OK, so, there's this guy in Sweden. And he has a rabbit and shit. And he named the rabbit after SPOCK!!!! Isn't that CRAZY?!?! Don't you think? Kinda? OK, fucking give me a break, it's a slow news day.
Hell, it doesn't even count as news per se. This guy hasn't updated his pictures of his rabbit Spock in almost three goddamned years. I don't know much about rabbits but I don't think they live that long. Hell, I saw _Pelle_The_Conqueror_ and they ate a lot of creepy shit in that movie so maybe this guy already ate his rabbit and this is just some SICK TWISTED MEMORIAL to his hapless victim or something like that.
Wait... I just thought of something! Swedes are also big PERVERT SEX FREAKOS, almost as bad as the DUTCH are! Serious! They make all kinds of porno and have sick bad laws that let anybody do anything they want. Like for example it's legal to walk around Sweden TOTALLY NAKED.
Anyways, I was thinking that maybe this SICK SWEDE BASTARD might have done something sick and PERVERTED with his rabbit Spock like SHAVED the poor little thing and then covered it with CRISCO and then SHOVED IT UP HIS ASS. I'm not saying it DID happen, I'm saying it COULD happen. This is a SOCIALLY CONDONED LIFESTYLE CHOICE in Sweden. I saw it on the NEWS, I'm serious! Look at this guy and tell me he's not capable of it. Haha, it's DIFFICULT TO DENY, isn't it?
I've been having a hard time. Xenophobia and vicarious rodent-buggering are all I have left in life. Leave me alone and go look at the goddamned rabbit.

T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
There are two kinds of Assmen in this world. Wild, hairy assmen, who put stickers that say things like "Why Be Normal?" all over their trucks and drink Corona beer and wear fezzes at parties for attention; these are the Assman Desperados. Our job is to ferret them out and expose them. (More...)
Things to Say When You're Losing a Technical Argument
Mr. Bad and Crackmonkey collaborate on a fine Mr. Bad's List. We put together ALL the TECHNOLOGY you ever need to know in order to STUMP your OPPONENT in a technical argument. Use these only when your back is against the wall -- they're definitely desperation tactics. (More...)
So I was walking around the Tenderloin looking for stray twenty-dollar-bills that might have fallen into gutters, and I was thinking, as I often do, about my mother. (More...)
On the Implementation of a Grocery Bag And Overforestation Initiative
Patient Joab and his evil cohort, Patient Steve, develop a proposal for the plastic-v.-paper problem that EVERYONE can be happy with. An EXCLUSIVE from Spock Mountain Research Labs! (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)